Profound Inspiration

Starry Night

2009-03-25T01:18:00.002-05:00

Starry Night
By: Faseeh Biabani

Black and blue, a depiction of the weak
Colors of the sky, stand alone still
Vast amount of beauty, I cannot speak
Not that I want to, nor that I will.

Ironic affiliation with rest and peace
Like a sponge, I sit and soak it in
To me its a bearer of ease
To them it's an invitation to sin.

Glimmer, Glisten, Sparkle, Wink
The stars above light my way
Alone I stand to quietly think
Where did I trip, where did I stray?

Glance at them before I close my eyes
I pray You forgive me for what I've done today
Open them suddenly to my surprise
I see him stand to take my soul away.

It's not really my time yet is it, I quickly ask
I have so much to do, so much to see
I thought this game was supposed to last
Yet he stands there, indifferent to my plea.

Not much I can do or say to get rid of him
Thank God I asked Him to forgive me
The notion caused me to give in on a whim
And then before I could count to three..

Remembrance

2008-11-22T17:08:00.004-06:00

Remembrance
By: Faseeh Biabani

I'm losing it. Losing hope, losing faith, losing sight
We quietly conclude in the middle of the night
Broken inside. Broken heart, broken thoughts, broken mind
Insomnia. Can't deal with the stresses of every kind.
Wounded deep. Soul affected by sudden caprice
Patch me up. I'm damaged. Please.. all I want is peace.
Tag on my neck, No Return, Refund, Exchange,
Tend to forget my destiny's prearranged.

Why me? We say it over and over again
Realizing that what is now versus then
Has us lost and hopeless with no sight of the end
Leaving us feeling lonely, miserable, with pain to tend
And wounds to mend, remembering the visions
Of the faults of our decisions
Prejudging the results to our fate
Faith, hope, and strength, just put to wait.

Why do you hurt yourself this way?
Why do you find yourself crying everyday?
Look where you slipped and not where you fell
I guarantee your heart and mind will begin to feel well
Because there's wisdom in what has been said
There's brilliance in the words that we've been fed
Plenty of ways out of the miseries that have taken control
Of every bit of our feelings and rationale, bodies and soul.

He does not place a burden on a soul which it cannot bear
All that He has asked of you is to lift your hands up in prayer
Now watch as the mystery unfolds right before your eyes
Now watch as the peace fills inside and puts an end to your cries
You'll look back at today and feel the difference of what you've missed
Optimism in every word, oh and sleep at night.. just as you wished
Now you've got it: The cheat sheet to the test, the key to success
Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and just go try your best
You make the effort, and He makes the way
So just smile, tomorrow's another day.

Cruisin' Through Life..

2007-11-12T02:09:00.003-06:00

What’s life? If you think about it, life is nothing more than a really long ride; a giant cruise that pretty much lasts the entire length of your existence.

You meet people on this cruise and then you wind up not liking them, so you avoid them. Sometimes, you meet people who just don’t like you because you’re better than them. Then you have certain people who love you and your presence. They keep you company and you share laughter and tears. You share happiness and joy. You share burdens and anxiety. These are the people you learn to love, enjoy being with and vow to spend every moment with these handfuls of people.

Before you know it, the clouds get dark and the wind picks up. The waves get higher and higher, you hold the hands of those you love for comfort, and once you feel those fingers intertwined with yours, you know you’re going to get through with everything perfectly fine, and everything’s going to be okay. The weather gets bad. The ship tosses and turns, but in the end, even though some are shaken up and affected more than others, you know you’re just glad to be alive.

Eventually, you’ve come to a point where you’re running low on gas and you decide its best to save it for a rainy day. You let loose the sails and allow for the breath of God take you whichever way he intends for you to go.

Everything’s going well, and you’re loving and living every moment of your journey. Yet in your carelessness, you let go of the wheel. You lose control of your direction and your ship hits an iceberg. You find yourself rushing to grab a life raft, along with everyone else. The ships going down fast and you curse yourself for letting things get so out of hand that you harmed yourself. You grab your raft and you start to row away, turning just in time to see the nose of the ship finally sink, remembering the everlasting memories on that ship. Those will be nothing more than just that; memories.

Now you have no sense of direction and you don’t know where you’re headed. You try to get to somewhere safe and concrete, but so does everyone else. In that time you lose everyone. Every now and then, people are right next to you: your friends, your family members, random people who row along with you keeping you company: joking, sharing the moment, yet ultimately it’s up to you to find land. No one else is going to get on that raft and row for you.

Maybe someone might spot land ortell you where it is, but they’re not going to get out and push you. Who the hell has that kind of time? In such a cut throat dog eat dog world, everyone’s looking out for themselves and even though you have some really good friends who try to help, they realize that they need to be looking out for #1, themselves.

Sometimes, they’ll tow you for a bit, but when the burden gets heavy, they have to let you go because you need to pick up your own damn oar and start rowing. There isn’t anyone who is going to get you ashore other than those arms of yours.

You row and row, learning from experience and watching others how to maneuver through the massive ocean. Somewhere along your journey, you find someone struggling in the water; someone who fell off of their raft. So you pull them aboard yours and you’ve suddenly connected. They grab an oar and start rowing with you: to rest your arms, and lighten the load. You grab an oar and they grab the other and now you come to realize that you love this person. Not only have they made your life so much easier, but with their company, they keep you alive; with their energy, they keep you mobile, and just when you both spot land, you share your happiness and pleasure, but when you run into a storm you both share the pain and pressure.

You move as one, function as one, become each other's halves; support systems, and you say to yourselves, “Right, left, right, left..” and you keep rowing in perfect harmony because you know there’s nothing else you enjoy as well as nothing else you can do other than to row and pray to God that one day, you’ll find that land. A land full of fresh, thirst-quenching rivers, people of light, shade shaped of throne, wishes granted instantaneously, pleasures beyond belief, but in order to get there, you have to keep rowing.

Why? Because that’s the natural order of things, it’s the one thing we instinctively command; knowing full well that with hardship comes ease, and with suffering comes relief. “But I don’t want to suffer!” shout our bodies, “Wake me from this dream!” shout our minds, but only our hearts know, that this is no dream; this my dear friends, is life.

Apologies

2007-03-21T21:22:00.000-05:00

APOLOGIES
By Faseeh Biabani

Why is it that owning up to our mistakes is so difficult?
Wanting to explore the world, inflicting pain as a result
Childish and young, yet all we crave is to be adults
Looking down at the youth, leaving nothing but insults
Only to realize our errors, in times like these who does one consult?

Knacking age and freedom
Lacking shame and wisdom
Joining in on the pressures of the system
Causing affliction, making our parents the victims
Blaming each other for the faults of our own
Too much pride and too much to hold
When only a simple word can cure our souls..

Respect your elders, and those younger will respect you
Reject your sins and errors, and He will reject you
Break a heart, and be denied when He resurrects you
But make a heart smile, and notice how it affects you
Sincerely apologize, and watch how it perfects you..

Sorry. Just one word that carries so much weight
A simple word that eradicates hate
An elementary term from an elementary trait
Yet a word so hard for our minds to create
What we crave for hearts to communicate..

I've done wrong and I've done right
Muster up the strength with all my might
Blinded by wrongs, God show me the light
To adjust my visions and adjust my sight
Stand up to my pride and put up a fight..

But you know what? It's time to put my pride to the side
Crush my ego, and let out what I feel inside
No more energy left to suppress what I hide
Take a dose of the medicine that I've prescribed..

Here we go..
I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made
I'm sorry for feeling so afraid
Sorry for all the pain that I have caused
Sorry for all the time that I have paused
Intentionally or not,
I take back what I've done and what I have not
Just so you can smile and say, "It's okay."

Appreciate

2006-12-07T03:43:00.000-06:00

They say you don't know what you've lost til it gone, why wait to find out?

APPRECIATE
By Faseeh Biabani

.. I've been given the greatest gift
Every time I'm down, gives me a lift
Keeps me intact when I begin to drift..

I've got vision and I've got sight
I've got strength and I've got might
Envisioning goals of myself in college
Provisioning holes with endless knowledge
To witness both the sunrise and the sunset
Is a blessing which we always forget
Next to me, you find yourself a spot
Orange and yellow, tiny as a dot
The sun begins to vanish as the moon begins to show
Navy blue above, and the stars begin to glow
"What does it look like?" you desperately demand..
..How do I explain the sunset, to a blind man?

I've got feet to walk with
I've got a mouth to talk with
Run to have my message heard
Craft out my way with words
Call the Adhan before every prayer
Forget my worries and all my cares
"You there! hang on a moment, can you bring him a chair?
Hes got no legs, so please don't stare..
Just like you, he's here to pray."
I make a spot for him right away
Thumbs to our lobes
In our pearly white thawbs
Just in time, he somehow made it
To begin I shout, "God is the Greatest.."

I've got fame and wealth
I've got love and health
The people who know me
Are the same who show me
That money won't buy me love
It won't pay my respect
It can't cash my friends
What more can it inject
Than selfishness and greed
Distance me from what I need
But what about those who lack the green
Would you call them poor?
Even when they're rich on deen?

I have it all..
I've got family
and I've got friends
Endless power?
Or, empowering end?
Orphans cry in solitude
No mother there to give them food
No father to mooch for money
No siblings to laugh at something funny
Some with no friends to whisper secrets
No gifts to receive and none to get..
So why do I find
My constant whines
Echo down the hall
When truth be told..
I have it all?

Mine and Yours

2006-09-24T01:11:00.001-05:00

Hello folks.. I know I promised more updates once school ended, its just that due to so many things I havent been able to find the time, and now that school is back in session again, I find myself endlessly on a computer wasting my time on other sites, other than this blog I mean. To tell you the truth, I sort of lost some interest in constant updates; either that or I've just been WAY too lazy to put anything up, my apologies. Every other day I'd remind myself to put something up here, and I guess now that Ramadan is here, it gives me more of a reason to make some creative, positive, and beneficial use of my time.

I'll be blunt. Right now, in the position that I am sitting, I am in no mood to bore you all with my endless ranting, therefore I guess I'll write another poem: a mixture of love, withdrawal, togetherness, and a whole batch of other feelings, perhaps? No, that would just cause, not only yourself, but myself as well just immense trauma. I think it would be interesting to see what people want me to write about, if you have any suggestions, PLEASE let me know.. Actually, I think I'll do this one on parents..

Mine and Yours
By Faseeh Biabani

When I was born, I felt your heart smile at me
Picturing all of the things I'd grow to be
Blindly certain I would never drown your name
In a dark black sea of embarassment and shame
Jumping through time as if making plans
Smiling to yourself with every glance
You saw me grow 30 years in your head
Educated, strong, and happily wed
And thats when you knew that you were content
With what you had and the nine months you spent
Hoping that one day I would truly see
How proud you were when I came to be..

Time passed and years flew by
I grew older and learned not to cry
Mistakes were made in order to learn
"Dont touch the flame for you shall burn
Eat your veggies, and dont complain
Stop your whining, dont chew my brain
Respect your elders and those who are younger
Don't eat all that candy, you'll kill your hunger
Clean up after yourself, and wash your hands
Use the towel, and not your pants..
Walk and don't run, for you shall trip
Look, now you're bleeding and your jeans are ripped.."

I got older, yet I was still young
I thought I was smart, only I still was dumb
Prone to error, I tried what I could..
I kept myself pure, just like I should
Promised my heart I'd never commit wrong
Yet my nafs was smart, and just too strong.

Everything you said not to do, I did
Every time you called me, I just hid
Selfish. That just explains who I truly am
Using you as part of my plan
Blaming your fatigue as my reason to run
Who would've thought that I was your son
Caring for no one other than me
Walking out when you needed me
I avoided you because you never cared.
Whenever you were in pain, I just stared.
You cried and cried calling my name
But I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not the same

You were in the kitchen when I tried to leave
You called my name, begging me to eat
I zoned you out, and quickened my paces
You shouted for me to tie my laces
I rolled my eyes and shut the door
And stormed down all the way to the first floor
Far away, I found myself walking at the lake
Remembering how you and I alone would take
Long walks here when I was so much younger
How you covered my ears when I heard the thunder
You held me tight and told me not to fear
Because God is great and you wiped my tears

Then suddenly I felt my feet slip
I stepped on my lace and felt myself trip
I felt a chill and then it got hotter
And I fell slowly into the water
Struggling I dashed for the top
Unable to swim, I felt myself drop
I felt myself sink, lower and lower
I knew right then that it was over
Little did I know that my first words would be my last
My lungs filled with water and I knew I was going fast
My eyes began to close and I knew I was going blind
So I yelled the first thing that came to mind..
"Mama.. Mama.."

My Tears

2006-06-09T02:14:00.000-05:00

MY TEARS
By: Faseeh Biabani

Life is an endless struggle even with your prayers
I hold a sorrow which only I can bear
Where have you gone?

I stand alone and whisper, "save me"
For I see my soul steadily betray me
As I see my past trying to blame me
While I see my heart menacingly shame me
When I see my guilt forcefully declaim me
And I see my nafs frantically inflame me
Where have you gone?

It hurts. I want to cry but the tears wont flow
The words come out but the message doesn't grow
I've kept my eyes dry and my will so strong
Determined to let it burn for it doesn't belong
I've scrubbed and scrubbed, but the dirt doesn't stray
I've used the finest soaps, yet my face remains a darkish gray
I need internal cleansing.. cleansing of the soul
Tearing of the eyes.. Thunderstorms of the heart
Where have you gone?

Oh guardians of my Nile, give life to my prayers
Give liberty to my soul, Give ease to my heart
Give freedom to my eyes. Give a beating to my guilt
Give wealth to my mind.. Give hell to my nafs.
Give rest to my conscience. Where have you all gone?

What are tears, I ponder to myself
Nothing more than indescribable feelings
Love, hatred, fear, guilt, happiness, anger
Each tear inscribed with its own emotion
Each engraved with a story
Yet as inexplainable as our reason for life
Each tear heavier than our passion for relief
Yet as light as the petal of a rose
Each tear, as inexpensive as air
Yet as pricessless as our childhood
Where have you gone?

My struggle continues..
Without you I have no relief.
Thank you for abondoning me.
Where have you gone?

I close my eyes yet I know I'm still lost
The stars of the chain are my path
Help me home for I have strayed
Guide my heart.. you are my astrolabe
Where have you gone?

A rustle of leaves and the army's behind me
White robed and turbaned side by side me
A palm on my shoulder heaves my burden
I rest assured, as my heart stops hurtin.
So many opened, yet only one more curtain..
I have their guidance.. That is undoubtedly certain.
But, where have you gone?

Just a Little More

2006-04-09T00:24:00.000-05:00

-Ok I've been neglecting my blog for way TOO long.. time for an update.. I'm gonna treat you all to my very first piece, I had actually lost it for the longest time, and my brother suddenly found it this morning, so I figure, hey why not? I call it.. Just A Glimpse-

Just A Glimpse
By Faseeh Biabani

Just a glimpse, a tiny glimpse is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
The peace and content of my eyes is the result
What achievement can be greater? Just a glimpse..

Just a smile, that smile I’m desperate for is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
It’ll cool my soul and soften my heart
What achievement can be greater?

Just to kiss his hands, those blessed gentle hands is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
It’ll purify my lips, resulting in constant durood
What achievement can be greater?

Just to fall at his feet, those bruised at Ta’if is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
My forehead will cry of embarrassment due to my sinful being
But to be at that state, what achievement can be greater?

Just to send my salam, full of love and respect is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
Knowing he replies causes my heart to stop, just so that I may possibly hear him
What achievement can be greater?

I yearn and wait to see his face, but the more I yearn, the more I am put to wait
Yet after all this yearning and waiting, I know the reward will be sweet
No amount of sugar can be substituted for the taste
That taste that I will taste from drinking Kauthar from his blessed hands

Just a glimpse, a tiny glimpse is all I need
The satisfaction is beyond words, what more can I ask for
But until that day, the air of Madinah is fine for me..

Born Again

2006-02-06T02:29:00.000-06:00

BORN AGAIN
By: Faseeh Biabani

I open my eyes, much like the first time
Fragrance of roses, its strong like springtime
I am worthless, and rather infantile
I'm in your hands, and you just smile
I savor the feeling, I savor the length
In which you help me, and raise me to strength
For I Have Been Born Once Again

Stepping into this new world,
Once before, yet now once more
My ship has sank and I'm washed ashore
Tossed and thrown, skin and bones, weak and white
I hear ur footsteps, and I'm blinded by your light
Through blurred vision, I'm adjusting my sight
For I Am Born Yet Once Again

Washed of sins, clean of crime
You lift my hand, and I know its time
To link myself with those of your kind
A new way of life, a new state of mind
For I Am Born Once Again

"Bless you".. to eternity
I need you, more than you need me
You come to me when I'm in need
You are spring rain, and I am a seed
I grow not, without your lead
For I Am Born Once Again

Hold my hand as I learn to tred
Alive again, when I once was dead
I live my life by the words you've said
Cried for you when you had bled
Grasp the tears, the tears you've shed
For I Am Born Yet Once Again

My friends, my crew
My company.. all are new
Following with me are just a few
You tell me what and whatnot to do
As I am standing here, next to you
For I Am Born Once Again

You teach me, what I know not
The actions I'd done, and the thoughts I thought
I leave you not, its engraved in my heart
For I Am Born Once Again

I bow my head in shame in your presence
Indeed you are a king, and I am a peasant
I fall at ur feet and breathe in ur scent
But you lift my chin and smile at me
Tell me to repent, to pay no heed
'cuz He hasn't forgotten those few good deeds
For I Am Born Yet Once Again

I just cry when I cant cope
I start to smile as you restore hope
You cover me with your white thawb
I stop my shivers as you carry me close
Over your shoulders I see the Green Dome
And thats when I know that I'm coming home
For I Am Born Yet Once Again

You gesture for me to follow
And I move not less your command
I see myself fall but you still hold my hand
From doing evil, I am banned
For I Am Born Once Again

My nafs brings me close to the flame
Attracts me to join in on the game
You smack my hand and warn me of the pain
Now I see it and naturally refrain..
For I Am Born Yet Once Again

To myself, I hum this tone
Keeps me warm when I am cold
You have that effect, as I am told
I close my eyes and see you here
In my heart, I hold you dear
You have helped me excel amongst men
Look at me now, and look at me then
For I Have Been Born.. Yet Once Again

Hmm.. What Should I Title This One?

2006-01-24T10:46:00.000-06:00

(Note: As I proofread this post, I realize how negative and sour it appears, and my intention is to be nowhere along those lines. I’m just addressing an issue which should be taken into consideration. A turn off for me is a long post, i know most people are looking at this, scrolling down to see how long it is and sorta turning away, but i assure you there is a very interesting story which takes up most of the space, and you may not understand why it's there without reading the previous two paragraphs, besides, its on love, everyone loves to read about love ;) Happy Reading..)

Love is not a human emotion. It is simply, a word.. what matters is the connection the word implies. Why is it that everyone wants to be in love at such a young age? or looking for that significant other, to love and honor in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, blah blah.. the whole nine yards. It seems that so many young people are so pre-occupied with searching for their soulmate that it tends to create collars and chains, restricting them from focusing on what matters most.. everything else.

Now there is a lot that could be said about love, marriage, and its opposites. Without doubt, marriage is the most beautiful and ceremonious event in a person’s life, in which much time and effort is placed into preparing “the perfect wedding”. It is the shared opinion amongst many that have spoken to me on this matter, that they want to be “in love” when they get married, to share and express the feeling of love with the person they marry. Personally, I don’t object to such a feeling, but what I DO object to is the feeling of LUST which we blindly take for love. There is no way to pinpoint the definition of lust, various dictionaries define it differently, but one thing is for certain, it is NOT synonymous of love. Love is a wondrous feeling, extremely hard to eliminate. It’s not something “you can get over”. If you can get over it, I guarantee you weren’t in love. As harsh as that may sound, understand that it does leave room FOR that special someone. It’s quite possible that it wasn’t “meant to be”, and that the ultimate power, the man upstairs, the Supreme Being, the Lord Almighty is working on something greater up there.

Someone once justified a breakup telling me that even a married couple argues; on the contrary, married couples don’t break up so easily, I mean seriously, think about it. A married woman says, “That’s my husband”. An unmarried woman says, “That’s my boyfriend”. Look at the power in the word husband/wife in comparison to boyfriend/girlfriend. Psychologically, couples are aware that if they are married to someone, arguments and disagreements are bound to happen, but what matters most is the contract they are bound upon, the contract of marriage, and their fulfillment of love and happiness in the so many years they’ve been together. Whereas with the typical boyfriend or girlfriend, either or both will eventually get sick of one another, and fulfill their desires by finding other means. The point I’m trying to make is, a boyfriend or a girlfriend views his/her relationship as temporary and therefore making the breakup process so easy to get over. It isn’t instilled in their minds that if they breakup, one side will receive alimony, nor do they have to worry about who gets ownership of the house. It’s just temporary.

Divorce. My mother once told me that when shaytaan gets someone to commit a divorce, the other shayateen celebrate in that shaytaan’s honor. It’s considered the most acknowledged sin within the shayateen. For those of you who don’t know, my father is one who performs nikahs, and many a times do people come to him for marriage counseling. I’ve seen so many cases where the husband or the wife isn’t agreeing to the marriage, AFTER they’ve taken their vows and whatnot. It’s sad, in one case, the wife just didn’t like the husband anymore, even though it was considered as a “love marriage” by the elders, which means they fell in love and decided to get married, just merely because she didn’t like him anymore, sick of him, done deal. Hmm. There’s another case in which there wasn’t communication within the couple, thus causing problems, and there were many, many cases in which the husband and wife would get into physical arguments and disagreements, which reminds me of a story from my childhood.

I remember this one time, when I was young, I was the only one at home with my father, and he got a call from an uncle who was crying on the phone, begging for my father to come immediately to him. My father told me to hurry and get ready and we went over to the uncle’s house. He told my father that his daughter and son-in-law were having marital problems. What started out as a beautiful marriage turned extremely bad. The husband would keep his wife captive in the house, who was to slave around performing duties for him and his mother. She wasn’t able to leave the house, not even for some fresh air, and was kept under close supervision by her mother-in-law, whose job in life was to make this girl’s life miserable. The girl wasn’t allowed to visit her family, nor were they allowed to visit her. She wasnt allowed to communicate with them whatsoever, yet she never objected. But then, it got worse. He started hitting her if she made errors in her work. It was rather graphic the details I'd heard, I’ll keep it very basic though. He then started to beat her, and pull her around the room by the hair, slamming her face on walls. She had called her father earlier that day and told her father everything because he had just beaten her again, and it had just gotten way too far. She couldnt take it anymore. I remember seeing the uncle telling my father this, and the emotion on his face. I remember the anger in my father’s eyes, and the fear in my chest. My father took the chai to go and he, the uncle, and I, got into a car and my raced over to her house. My father told the uncle that even though he knew how hard it would be, he needed him to contain his anger, and that he’ll take care of it. We pulled into the driveway and rang the bell. I remember my father had performed the nikah and both sides of the family had requested for him to do it, therefore they both knew him. The mother in law opened the door and first saw my father and I. She smiled a big smile and welcomed us in, and that smile quickly vanished when she saw the girl’s father. My father kept it very simple and to the point. He asked to see the girl, the mother in law, very respectfully said she couldn’t let him because she was sleeping. My father asked her again, and she apologized that she was sleeping. My father said he knew how often the girl’s father came to visit, never, and it was the first time and he should at the very least see the face of his daughter after so many years. The daughter, however, WASN’T sleeping, she had come downstairs to put something in the kitchen, when she saw her father and mine. I remember seeing her face, it was full of relief, pain, and hidden joy. She was wearing worn clothes that seemed to have been washed quite a few times, and her hair was a mess. Physically there were many bruises, and she was walking with a stagger. She ran to her father, and I could tell the mother wasn’t at all happy about this. My father told the mother in law, "By looking at her face, i can see what's been going on here. We’re taking her home, til she recovers. Then we’re going to sit down with your son and talk about this." The mother in law was very upset, it was easily written on her face, yet she was reluctant. The girl came home happily, inhaling the summer air as if she had never inhaled before. When we got to their house, she wanted to sit and talk. Her father said it would be best if she got some rest and they’d talk later. I really wanted to know what was going to happen, even though I knew my presence that day was only coincidence and my fathers obligation not to leave me home alone. I always asked my father for updates, and it was the first time I heard my father say that he was PLEASED to say that the husband finally agreed to the divorce after a very long time. He, at first denied everything she was saying, but after a few weeks, he finally gave in. I am happy to say that the girl is now happily remarried, and has two beautiful children of her own.

I know this is very long as it is, but I just wanted to add that we should be wise with whom we choose. THEY started out thinking they were in love, he was sweet and charming, a good guy.. at first. After that story, I’m sure we know otherwise, for no one in love would do such a thing to the person they care from the utmost depth of their heart. My father told me once that his father gave him advice, and he wanted to share that with me. He said, “My great-grandmother, your grandfather’s grandmother once said something to your grandfather when he was a child. She asked him where heaven was. He pointed to the sky, and she said, No, actually, it's here. On this earth, marry a good woman and you life will be heaven on earth and in the hereafter, but marry a bad one, and you can guarantee yourself hell not only on earth, but in the Akhira as well. Then she gave him naseeha. (advice) She said, my son, make dua from this age, “Ya Allah, Mujhe Nayk Shareekay Hayaat Dain,” which means, “Oh Allah, bless me with a pious spouse.” Beta, my father gave me that naseeha, and in turn, I give this naseeha to you. Make this dua and you’ll see, your life now in this earth with the right spouse will be heaven, with much blessing and happiness, love and affection, which will be your key to happiness in the hereafter. Your wife." He told me that he made this dua frequently as he would lay in Masjid Al-Haram when he lived in Saudi Arabia for two years. One of his first duas when he saw the Ka'bah was this dua, and.. fear of nazar stops me from continuing, but i'm sure u catch my drift.. Alhamdulillah :)

~ = Infinity

2006-01-19T01:28:00.000-06:00

What is it about the consequences of being right or wrong that makes us ponder about the magnitude of a supreme being?

I often wonder, being a commerce major, and therefore appreciating math to its fullest, of the value of infinity. Infinity is defined as limitless, everlasting, continuous, and ubiquous. In mathematics, Galileo was the first man to take credit for the introduction of infinity, but before that, it was called max, and each additional unit was considered as max+1 or max+2. Now if we think of ever reaching the end of infinity, i assure u, its a waste of time. Yet what we fail to understand is that theres nothing on this Earth on which we can place an eternal life upon, but there are other concepts and ideas which we blindly believe in, not of physical matter that have an ever existing life such as Allah (SWT) and Paradise. The concept of eternal happiness is unfathomable, and thats still an understatement.

There are many things in this life which we can never find ends to. When we were young, we never thought school would end. I remember grudgingly waking up and thinking, "10 more years of this?!".. but even as my college career approaches an end, i think back to that day and everything in between is just a whoosh of solid blankness, and i often wonder of how the next 10 years will look.. and then i think of myself in 10 years thinking back to this night and seeing the same solid blanket of emptiness consisting of a decade. We also think of life as eternal. Have we ever sat and thought of death and when it will occur? Have we ever thought of what he have to take with us when we die? Have we ever thanked God for allowing us to see the light of another day? I would assume not. But when it strikes us, whether its a relative or friend of someone in the community, it takes us by surprise and gives leway to thought and feelings of an end, a stopping point, a pause in infinity..

Why is it that it takes something for us, such as a loss of something of material or sentimental value for us to realize how we can comprehend something as limited as life to exist as long as eternity, and realize how much we value things and what we have is enough? I dont know what i'm writing and how much sense it will make, but i hope you, the reader can put one and one together and sort of see what im coming from.. I pray that we have the ability to strengthen ourselves to appreciate the blessings of what we have, as miniscule as it may be, and that we thank Allah for what we have and for what he will give us, rather than question his will and ways, for it is only with patience that we progress.. Aameen.

Picky Parents..

2005-12-28T01:42:00.000-06:00

..From the December 2005 Issue of Islamic Horizons..

Seeking Wife:

Parents of Hyderabadi descent in search of tall, fair, and pretty wife for Amercan born and raised son. Looking for girl who is smart, preferably PHD, MD will pass. Must have ability to uphold a good conversation without son having to explain what things mean. Good sense of humor is a must. Good family background is not necessary, but always welcome. Sense of fashion, however is required. Will not accept girl who wears gym shoes with shalwar kameez. Also, will not accept anyone with British accent unless she was raised in England. Must have the ability to cook all types of chicken, including: chicken tikka, chicken biryani, chicken 65, baked chicken, bihari chicken, chicken boti, and barbeque chicken. Anything beyond that is also okay. AMERICAN CITIZENS ONLY, no green card chakkar. No Experience Required. For more information and biodate exchange, contact son at faseeh_biabani@hotmail.com , or send a salams on naseeb.com, username: salmanpaanmasalawaala.

- WHAT A LOSER -

They Say..

2005-12-23T14:35:00.000-06:00

They Say..
By: Faseeh Biabani

They say a little faith goes a long way..
I say, that 'long way' is what i live for..

They say He places trials and tribulations for a reason
I say reasons for trials and tribulations are why i struggle

They say look up when you're feeling down
I say feeling down is only due to not looking up.

They say give thanks for what u have now
I say now is the time to give thanks for what you dont have.

They say God loves those who pray with tears
I say even those tears are pearls that pray to God

They say stand strong for Islam
I say Islam is the reason why I standing strong..

They say firm belief in God can shatter mountains
I say even a shattered mountain believes in God..

They say every breath is in respect to dhikr..
I say dhikr is respect to every breath..

They say how can i have iman when I am the weakest of men?
I say even the weakest of men have the strongest of Iman.

They say to love another for the sake of Allah
That is why i say.. i love you for Allah's sake..

Apprecation?

2005-12-09T02:18:00.000-06:00

I know i tend to always mention appreciating what we have and where we are in life a lot in this blog, but its because i think its such an important part of our lives. If we dont appreciate what we have now, what are the chances of us improving our state and recieving more of what we want? I need to be reminded of this time to time and i try to remind this to anyone who is in need of it, and when something happens that doesnt particularly go our way, we resort to blaming anyone and everyone, but what we should remember is that there is Barakah in accepting it and saying Alhamdulillah and moving on..

I was giving a friend a ride home yesterday and we were talking about the nasty weather were having right now in Chicago. This is one of my old high school buddies who i hadnt seen in years, and we were catching up on things. I have always remembered him to be such a nice person, really wacky, but a nice person overall. We somehow got into discussing cars and accidents as we passed a small accident site. He explained to me that about a year and a half ago, he had gotten into a horrible car accident which nearly killed him. The person who hit him is someone we know but the scenario went something like this..

My friend was driving down the expressway when a car came out of nowhere and bumped his car, thus causing him to hit another car, both his and the other car flipped upside down. He felt immense pain from head to toe and he couldnt move whatsoever. His eyelids got heavy and slowly closed. He had broken 3 bones off his vertabrae and cracked a few ribs. His right lung was bloated and he was bleeding from all over his face.. he still has the scars to prove it. *Subhanallah* When he woke up, after the blurriness cleared, he understood he was in an ambulance and he felt seering pains all over his body and he immediately thought he was paralyzed for life. He said it was such a depressing feeling, no medication in the world could give u the feeling of relief. He thought his life was over, he was 19 and all prospects, all dreams, all ambitions were destroyed. He didnt know what to think, he was so depressed and in pain.. a bad combination. He said he saw all of his ambitions that he had daydreamed about, all of the efforts he had made and they suddenly meant absolutely nothing. He then tried something, he doesnt know why, but he did.. and he said the happiness he felt was incomparable.. he said, "i randomly wiggled my toes.. and after i felt my toes wiggling, i knew right there that everything was going to be okay.. like my body was seering with pain, but i knew RIGHT there, that it was gonna be okay.. and then i slowly knocked back out.."

I really didnt know what to say to him. He said he sees that guy who hit him around every now and then, he really doesnt like that person.. even though that guy tries to come to him and talk, he told me hes never had so much resistance in his life, his mind and body want to hit him (obviously he didnt say just hit).. but he said he didnt know whats holding him back from tearing that kid apart, after all the pain hes caused him, his family, his parents, his friends.. everyone... yet he holds back.. but ever since, hes had an entirely new outlook on life.. he told me hes fortunate to have the ability to see a new day.. cuz he could have died right there.. Im gonna finish this off with something he said, which really touched me..

"I guess it takes something big like this for us to realize the importance of what we have, our material and spiritual possessions.. i take everyday as... as.. extra credit.."

Try, Just for a Moment

2005-12-03T03:56:00.000-06:00

Try, Just for a Moment
Faseeh Biabani

Try, just for a moment, to fully comprehend eternity
for it will take an eternity to ecompass the magnitude of forever..

Try, just for a moment, to understand why the heart pains
for it will allow you to fathom the value of people and things..

Try, just for a moment, to listen to your conscience
for it whispers what we dread to hear most..

Try, just for a moment, to concentrate on the sound of silence
for it is a bringer of peace as well as fear..

Try, just for a moment, to appreciate the path to happiness
for it is a path roadblocked with boulders bearing affliction..

Try, just for a moment, to attentively count the seconds to freedom
for each second that passes is always one second closer to a goal..

Try, just for a moment, to grasp piety and humbleness
for without humbleness there is no piety..

Try, just for a moment, to taste the nourishment of clean air
for tasting fresh air is like putting a taste to pure water..

Try, just for a moment, to forget someone you love
for it is like trying to remember someone you've never met..

Try, just for a moment, to analyze the word, "thoughts"
for even the thought of thinking thoughts is thoughtful thinking..

Try, just for a moment, to provoke silent conversation
for understanding every response is equivilent to world domination..

Try, just for a moment, to place a value on warmth
for without warmth, there would be an excessive amount of gelidness..

Try, just for a moment, to perceive a thread of dishonesty
for it is the progression of lies that leads to a web of destruction..

Try, just for a moment, to interpret the satisfaction of the truth
for it is only with truth can there be space for progression..

Try, just for a moment, to place a value on a pleasant after-life
for only then can you ascend the steps to understand the importance of Imaan..

Try, just for a moment, to think about what i just written
for its incorporation in life will allow you to appreciate even the most miniscule of things..

My Love Story

2005-11-21T04:13:00.000-06:00

Human nature states that no single being, male or female, can bear the burden of his or her own strain. Therefore we are, in a sense, resorted to easing our tensions by confiding in another whom we can trust. It's funny how people can come to me and confide in me, trust me with their issues and find relief and comfort in my voice yet I still havent found a comfort voice for myself. It is essential that we share our burdens with another to maintain a healthy, forward moving life. Everyone is so caught up with the stresses of school and work and anything and everything outside of those two categories that we tend to forget is that with life comes hardships and with hardships come paradise. I heard a very beautiful hadith at Jummah and it got me thinking very deeply and i would like to share. The hadith goes:

"Paradise is surrounded by hardship and the Hellfire is surround by wishes and desires,"
- (Sahih Bukhari)

As simple as it sounds, and as frequently as we may hear it, we never think twice about what was just stated. Recently i have found myself conflicting with my desires, trying to surpress them and eliminate them, but its an ongoing struggle. If and when i eliminate those desires, i know my nafs wont stop there, it's easily going to bring up a new desire or wish for me to tackle. The most recent of my inner struggle pertains to an old lifestyle which i have recently given up. I find myself regretting my past more and more everyday, yet as i see myself moving away from it, i also see so many of my good muslim friends moving further and further into what i just left. I really dislike talking about this, but its something which i think is of a concern to us and should not be taken lightly. When i put that hadith into perspective, i realized that a few months ago i was giving in to my nafs, i was feeding off of it to such an extent and now that i think about it, i obviously had a one-way ticket to hellfire. I need not elaborate on what i was doing as most people are very aware of my faults. Indirectly i was extinguishing my conscience and falling victim to my desires and wishes, and i neglected my duties as a Muslim til one day, i tripped as i was running, and as i sat there wincing at my injury, i knew i would never be the same. My rehab experience continues to this day. Theres a cast on my heart. There were many people along the way that tried to stop me. Similarly, there were many people who didnt.

It's sad how so many people can be so hypocritical at times, and not even know it. Those who attempted to stop me along the way would tell me not to do what i was doing or simply wouldn't join me and my crew as we headed to our usual chill spot, but it is those people who i see now doing what i did, as frequent as i did, and at the same time, knee deep, claiming that "pulling out" isnt hard. Believe me when i say it is. I remember my father would give me Naseeha (advice) all the time, such as stay away from this deed as you will find yourself committing such and such acts, and dont do this as you will regret it. I dont know what it was, possibly the fact that i have been so independant for so long that i accepted what he had to say for a day or two and i went right back into what i was doing. It could also be the fact that i thought he didnt know what he was talking about, nay, by Allah, every consequence he has warned me off has come true, and as i sit and suffer for my actions, i cannot hate myself more and more for disregarding his advice. I dont know how he knew it, he didnt do what i was doing, yet he knew, and i know my father so well, more than anyone except my mother. I bow my face in shame but he always reassures me saying, "if not i, then who?" Similarly, when i say this to my friends, take it from someone who has had the experience, "if not i, then who?" I promise you our life here in this world is limited, and everyone who hears this ALWAYS manages to come up with an excuse: "I know what i'm doing", "I'll answer to God for my own sins", "I'll repent later", "I know whats best for myself", "I wish i could do something about it, but enh whatever, life goes on".. the list goes on and on, and i know this because ive reassured my nafs with the SAME excuses. Allow me to hate on these reassurances.. "I know what im doing", er, contrary to what you think, u DONT know what ure doing, and seriously if u DO, then obviously u are wise enough to know that what ure doing is also HARAM, or forbidden in Islam... oh but thats right, what role does Islam play in our lives? "I'll answer to God for my own sins".. HAH. sure u will. When u get up there and ure standing before him and he asks, why'd u do it? what're u gonna say? do you seriously think ull have a good excuse for God, sure u have one for everyone including urself, but for Allah? i promise you NOTHING u say will suffice. He knows the truth, theres no scamming God.. "I'll repent later".. how many times have we heard that? do we need to be reminded of the constant stories of early deaths of our close family members and friends? and even if theres no one from there, how about our friends' friend's? and janazahs at the masjid? isnt that reason enough? do u think it's not going to happen to you? u are mistaken my friend. very mistaken. "I know whats best for myself".. ah yes thats right.. of course you do. Thats why its so easy for u to fall into your desires willingly, aware of what you are doing is incorrect and forbidden.. right.. sure u know. "I wish i could do something about it, but enh whatever, life goes on".. are you crazy? the time is NOW to repent, of course life is going to go on, are u going to sit by idly and watch urself fall into a hole? life goes on.. theres so much you can do.. but oh wait, hm lets think.. whats more fun? cuz its all about us and our conveniences right? so hm lemme think.. would i pray nafl or salatut tasbih or even my 5 DAILY prayers? or go hang out with the other gender in social gatherings where there is so much fitnah involved, haram levels blowing through the roof, touching, grabbing, holding, looking, thinking.. ALL of this is zinah. Zinah (adultery) is not limited to just sexual intercourse.. rather, there is zinah of the tongue, of the hands, of the eyes, of the ears, of the feet.. and on the Day of Judgement, your body parts will testify AGAINST u.. doesnt sound like much now, but on the final day when they DO testify, whats ur excuse then.. and dont even try the Shaytaan made me to it routine, cuz hes gonna be standing there LAUGHING at u, cheering when the Angels take u (God Forbid) to the hellfire.

if u dont think about what i just said, then i have just wasted 15 mins of your life. I apologize for wasting your time. Please by all means, go back to what youre doing, dont repent, and allow urselves to rot and when the time comes when you realize your mistake, u'll know what im talking about. But Insha'Allah, if you understand what im saying, and u feel like anything i have said relates to anything i have said above, when u think deep down, and u realize how wrong u have been, you grab hold of that moment and u cry ur heart out to God asking him, begging him for forgiveness.. for Allah is Ar-Rahman, the merciful and none can forgive you than him.

I know how hard it is to give up things you REALLY have been accustomed to do.. how hard it is to surpress your desires, how hard it is to keep yourself away from things that have been your life for so long.. but the first step is to distance yourself from the company you have kept.. The company you keep, ur "friends".. are ur rise and demise.. if u sit in the company of people who dont do what u do now, ull find it easier to give up what u do now. I know we all say, "but theyre my friends, i wont disregard them", and im not asking u to disregard them, u can be the better of the group and gain the hasanah for their good deeds by suggesting a different place of meeting, for example, instead of a hookah bar, a friends house for a movie. Not hard at all. I promise u, its all you have to do. Look very carefully after u are done reading this at whom u keep amongst u and of those people, who motivates you to do what? is it the religious friend that reminds u to pray salah? or the fun-loving party friend who loves to go hang out with the other gender? whatever it is, its your call. I cannot say anything to anyone, I have tried and tried. The hadith goes,

"If there is evil, first stop it with your hand, then with your mouth, and if you cant stop it with your mouth, then know in your heart that is it wrong and that is the lowest form."

I have tried using my hands, and my mouth. Now all i can do is make dua that Allah shines his light and mercy upon us, including myself, i'm nowhere near perfect. I ask Allah to keep us on the right path, and to give us the hidayah to understand and accepting our faults for that is the first step. I also ask him to make it easy for us to practice our religion with ease and without the pressures of our friends and community, and to keep us away from evil and the temeptations of this world and that of shaytaan and our desires. Aameen, and forgive me for taking your time, btw i dont know if you noticed, but the title has nothing to do with what i wrote, but if i made it titled something Islamic, would u seriously have read it?

Premium

2005-11-15T13:47:00.000-06:00

I noticed I've been rather neglecting my blog ever since I started that story, therefore, due to a mass amount of laziness and loss of interest, I have decided to discontinue the story so I can get back to my normal posts.

I heard something rather profound the other day from one of my Hindu colleagues. His appeal is very thuggish and he never says anything interesting or profound, but I've had quite an increase in respect for him ever since he said the following:

"There are two things in life that you should always keep premium, for everything else, you could go either way, but when it comes to these two, ALWAYS keep them premium.. your shoes and your bed, because if you're not in one, you're in the other."

-How true, simple yet it makes you ponder-

Chapter One

2005-10-07T03:21:00.000-05:00

I have always wanted to write a short story, novel even. My first short story was a horror story for a Ghosts class, which has not only surprised myself, but my teacher, colleagues and friends alike. Therefore, i have decided that if anything, i have a designated territory for me to publish whatever it is that i feel like publishing and i will make use of that. I think this is the beginning of a short story which is totally impromptu, random, as it comes.. enjoy.

-Characters and Names are completely fictional. If they seem to relate to anyone, it is utter coincidence. Locations and Information may have realistic significance-

-----
Early Tuesday Morning
2:43 AM

"Mhm, yeah, I'm actually headed to the office now to pick it up.. mhm.. mhm.. yeah, i'll give you call tomorrow Bob.. 9? perfect. Okay.. yeah.. sounds good. k. Bye."

Hanging up his car phone, this is the last place Stephen Lowes wanted to be so late at night. The entire 8 hours of the workday, the only thing on Lowes' mind was his black briefcase, expertly hidden in a safe behind a portrait of his father, painted almost 60 years ago. If only he hadn't been distracted by the thought of supper with his daughter and her new fiance, he would have never forgotten it, and therefore making this trip. Stopped at the red light, a few blocks from the office, his daughter Nicole's voice echoed in his mind.

"Hiiiiiii daddy.."

"How much money do you need?"

"Tsk. DAAAAaaadyyy.. you know i dont need money.. i just wanted to see how my hard working, loving father was thats all.."

"Ahh, well he is doing horribly as he is spitefully living by himself in a giant home, missing his daughter, whose voice he hears every few weeks.."

"Daddy, im a working woman. A RESPONSIBLE working woman, who can make RESPONSIBLE decisions about her future.. I have thusfar."

"A responsible woman you say? Thats exactly what you said when you asked me for a credit card, which if I remember correctly, you topped within 6 hours."

"Dadddy, i was 16, can we pleaaseee get over that?"

"Hahahaha.. i doubt it.. so what can i do for my responsible little girl?"

"Daddy, you're not going to believe this.."

"God have mercy.."

"Noo daddyyyyyy...LISTENNNNNNN. You're not listening. Do you remember..?"

"Remember... who?"

"..Brian?"

"Brian, who?"

"The tall one, with the Audi.."

"Aah yes, the cock-eyed boy."

"He's NOT cock-eyed daddy. Tsk. C'mooooonnn daddy. Im serious."

"Haha, ok baby, yes i remember Brian."

"Welllll.. the other day, Brian.. took me on a cruise.."

"That's nice honey..but you could have just taken my yacht."

"Daddy.. stoppp interruptinggg, this is important.. he took me on a cruise, and he.. asked me to marry him."
-long silence-

Imitating operator, "Tu Du DU.. if you'd like to make a call, please hang up, and try again, if your father doesnt answer, that means hes not okay with it."

"Ugh c'monnnnnn daddy.. i thought you would be okay with this.. you always say, 'whatever makes you happy, its yours' .. and Brian makes me VERY happy daddy.. We're flying over in a few weeks, and Brian wants to formally ask you for my hand, but he's already asked me.. its out of courtesy, so please.. daddy.. please, be nice, okay?"
---

Pulling into the parking garage, Stephen walked wearily across the glass connecting bridge. The events of the evening came to mind. His baby girl was all grown up. Even though he couldnt bear to part with his daughter, nevertheless, he was reluctant. Stephen knew she was very intelligent and she would only make the right decisions for herself. Arriving at the main lobby, he half-heartedly waved at the security guard, who was aware of Stephen's appearance. Stephen placed his palm on the pad at the elevator and a horizontal laser scanned his fingerprints. The express elevator took him quickly and noislessly to the seventy secondth floor. Click Clack, his Ralph Lauren Crocodile Penny Loafers echoed on the brown marble floor of his own lobby. Walking past his secretary's empty chair and the plasma tv looping an informative on Braskot Labs, he felt a sensation of relievance. Even though his daughter was leaving him, he was positive that Brian would be a wonderful husband and loving father. Arriving at his door, he pressed a red button on the stucco wall. A small camera protruded from his door and performed a body scan within seconds. A light next to the camera turned green and his door clicked open automatically. As he walked in, the lights opened with his first step. He walked over to the portrait and tilted the frame. At the same time, he pressed a hidden button on the back of the frame and he heard a slight whirring of active machinery. The safe's door, disguised with the rest of the wall, moved up revealing a keypad and fingerpad. He entered the combination and put his palm on the pad. The safe opened with a light ping and he pulled out his briefcase. As he walked out, the door locked behind him and the lights turned off. He arrived at the elevator and put his palm, once again on the pad. The door of the elevator popped open and he stepped on. Waving goodbye to the guard, he crossed the glass bridge into the quiet garage approaching steadily toward his car. As he unlocked his door, he felt a tap on his shoulder. His heart jumped, as he turned around.

Stephens pupils expanded, "YOU!?"

Tires screeching, a black car exited the garage. Stephen Lowes' body lay next to his car, and remained that way for another 3 hours til Chris Cooper, the next security attendant in the lobby pulled into the garage with a late dinner of McDonalds for himself and his fellow security guard. Stephen Lowes was dead.
-----
6:28 AM

RING RING

The phone rang in the house of James Stuppon, renowned and prized Professor of Investigative Arts.

"Sir, sorry to disturb, but you hawe a wery important call from the Chief of Police. He is stating that it is wery important," said Ashok Pranadashikarivasant, James' servant, enterting his room.

"Hallo?" muttered James sleepily.

"James Stuppon sir? Eric Bribleton, Chicago Police Commissioner, we are in need of your assistance."

-Stay Tuned for Chapter 2, coming soon-

'3ILM

2005-09-30T17:40:00.000-05:00

'3Ilm, the Arabic word for knowledge.. such a strange word. Strange in the sense that it, when pronounced correctly in Arabic, has an emphasis on the Ain, the jhatka, as though theres a force to it, something hidden. Thats pretty much what knowledge is. Hidden. Webster defines 'Knowledge' as familiarity, awareness, or understanding gained through experience or study. In Islam, so much importance is given to attaining knowledge, and theres several reasons why. According to a tradition, the first item created by Allah, after the Nur of Prophet Muhammad (S) was the Qalam. The pen. With this pen was written all of the events that would occur from then, til eternity. The first Ayah and word revealed was "Iqra' ".. Read. When Adam (AS) was created he was given knowledge of everything in this world. I can continue to go on and on. But lets take a step back and think about knowledge and the pen for a second and ponder of it's importance.

A widely known saying of the Prophet (S) was, "Attain knowledge from the cradle to the grave." School is such an important part of every child's life. It is the second step and introduction to knowledge in the course of the child's lifetime. The first begins in the home. Every mother and father has the best of intentions for their children and wide fantastical dreams of the future of their children. It is in these dreams that ever parent views their child as a successful and prominent being, bearing the torch of Islam. They instill religious values and educate them with etiquette and manners of how to live, as well as religious and academic training to prepare them for their upcoming years as a student at a school. This is the most critical stage for children to learn because the mind of the child is fresh and unstained. Once the child becomes exposed to the realities and nakedness of the true world, it becomes a test of faith and courage to turn away from worldly temptations and ignorance. This step is the second step which involves immediate training and education through teachers. Two important traditions come to mind when i say this sentence. First and foremost, each step that one takes to attain knowledge, he/she gets hasanah for it. The second, "Treat your teachers as you would your parents."

Think about the first tradition for a second. EACH step that is taken towards attaining knowledge, theres benefit in it. From the moment we wake up and prepare for school, we are recieving hasanah. Imagine the end of the day, coming home from school, the abundance of hasanah recieved from that day. Now multiply that by the average number of days spent at school, which is approximately 250, and what do you have? Its unbelieveable that attaining knowledge would be so important. Next, treat your teachers like your parents. This is critical. I know i used to refer to some of my teachers by first name, or even a nickname, as a joke. But if i think about it, i would NEVER call my parents by any other name besides mom and dad, unless i wanted the silent treatment. With that in mind, lets proceed to the next topic, the pen. Can you imagine life without a pen or something to write on? If no one recorded events, or wrote anything down and everything was passed on by word of mouth, we would be living in log cabins eating the day's fresh catch. It's impossible to imagine life without a pen, for almost all information is written down, and without it being written, things just become distorted along the way. We would be using the trial and error method as original means of production. It seriously is impossible to comprehend. The pen is so vital because, going back to the beginning sentences, the pen was the first item created. Knowing that, i find it extremely important to respect writing utensils of any type. Whenever my father saw a writing utensil on the floor, he would ask whose it was and he would advise us that its disrespectful to leave pens on the floor. THAT is etched into my brain. Whenever i see writing utensils on the floor, i make a note of it to pick it up, even if its not mine, ill pick it up and put it somewhere elevated near the scene so that if the owner were to come back, he/she would notice it. My biggest pet peeves is seeing pens on the ground. All of my co-workers in the past have known that, and whenever they see a pen, they pick it up. Alhamdulillah. I feel that by not allowing pens to be trudged upon, Allah assists me in my daily course of life and with my education, for it is the intention that counts, one of my favorite ahadith, "Innamal Aamaalu binniyyaat". All actions are based upon intentions. So i keep my intention clean, therefore, he keeps me clean. Inshallah. My Allah bless us with constant knowledge. May he keep our intentions clean, and allow us to respect our parents and teachers. May also BLESS our parents and teachers for educating us with whatever knowledge we have been taught, and may he give us the fortunacy to use the information that we learn for the sake of Islam and for the cause of Allah. Aameen.

Sacrifice

2005-09-20T23:54:00.000-05:00

During a very reflective conversation with my best buddy, Junaid, we were discussing reasons for depression and sadness: This is what he had to say..

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our roots and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

-Such intellectuality and profoundness, yet so simple.-

Soldiers

2005-09-15T04:25:00.000-05:00

My father said something really intellectual the other day. What gives it added value is the fact that it is similar to a hadith. Initially, my cousin and I started out a conversation about how lame dinner was at a family gathering we were invited to, my father listened quietly, without saying a word. Eventually, when he DID speak, this is what he had to say..

Dad: My father said something to me once, you guys ought to try to keep this in mind. He said, "Live in this world like you're a soldier. Whatever food you have on your plate, eat it, wherever u have to sleep, sleep there without a fuss. At the end of the day, thank Allah for allowing you to live another day to thank him."

I felt really embarassed when i heard him say this. Although im not a picky person when it comes to the specific issues of eating and sleeping, it gave me a chance to really reflect upon myself and find my faults about things which i often complain about, petty things, which have no value, at least to myself that is. It's sad that i never take a step back to TRULY thank Allah for what he's blessed me with. Sure, the term Alhamdulillah comes to tongue every so often, yet it seems as though it has almost turned into another preposition. Its like another 'I' or 'the'.. just rolled off of my tongue in the midst of a sentence.

There's so much in this life that i have, which i dont realize, that i should thank him for. Things which seem minute, miniscule, tiny, but in retrospect have colossal value, such as being blessed with the good fortune of being born into the Ummah of the Blessed Prophet Muhammed (S). I cant really speak for the rest of the Ummah, but knowing and understanding human psychology to a certain extent, i know that its quite difficult to remember such a thing, as there is no constant reminder that we are part of his Ummah, and rarely is it heard the meaning of taking part in such a community. THE Ummah to enter Paradise first. And what fascinates me is the fact that there's so much behind all of this. One can continue to ponder endlessly about the blessings of being in this particular Ummah. The blessed Prophet Muhammed (S) spent a great deal of his time asking for forgiveness for his people, even those who he would not even see yet with his physical eyesight. Those including people who disrespect him, abuse his name, dont think twice about who he was and what he's done for Muslims. He was not just a prophet, but a messenger as well. 'A Mercy to Mankind'. A common phrase frequently uttered from his blessed mouth was, "Ummati", or "My Ummah", "My people". It is reported in a tradition that on the Day of Judgement, the Prophet (S) will have a massive amount of people behind him, and he will approach Allah (SWT) and Allah will ask him sympathetically, "tell me, what is it that u want?" And the Prophet Muhammed (S) will reply, "Ummati.." and all of those people behind him will enter Paradise. Then another enormous flock of believers will stand behind him, and again he will approach Allah (SWT) and again, knowing the question, regardless, He will STILL ask, "tell me, what is it that you want?" to which the Prophet (S) will reply, "Ummati" and all of THOSE people behind him will enter paradise, and this will contine to go on and on.. These are what, just TWO of the reasons why we're blessed to be part of such a blessed group.

All of this goes back to my initial point, that we dont even thank Allah for something like THIS. Ok, fine. Its possible that this may be a large thing to be thankful for its a thanks which should be appreciated by tears at the very LEAST. But, we dont even sit at the end of the day, thanking the Lord for allowing us to breathe, smell, hear, see, walk, talk, read, drink, chew, swallow, blink, move our fingers, our knees, our feet, think.. etc, any action performed throughout the course of the day? Does anyone outside of a bio major or doctor understand the complexity of a human body? or ANY living thing for that matter. We should be thanking the Lord for allowing such a thing as the blood to run through our veins, for if we werent recieving enough blood at a certain speed, our heart wouldnt be able to function properly, nor would we be able to think and our reflexes would be slow.. i mean can we, even for just a moment, comprehend even somewhat of how intricate our bodies are and without the function of any organ or anything from our bodies, there would definately be problems with us. Its amazing how elaborate and convoluted everything is that composes us.. Even that becomes something large to thank him for right?

Look how patethic and lazy we are. I'm talking about all of this? Huh. We dont thank even Allah for the small material objects we buy.. wait but why? Why thank Him for that item, i mean WE bought it, right? Did we ever stop and think, HOW did we buy it? Because we had the money. Where did we get the money? We earned it at work. How did we get the work? Because we searched for it. Why did we need a job? Because we were broke, had no money to pay for bills.. How did we reach that state? Because we were desperate to make ends meet. I can keep going. Broke + Bills = Stress. Simple equation of life. When we become wealthy, im not trying to generalize, but most people tend to forget Allah faster than others. Shaytan and the Nafs become overpowering working hand in hand to figure out ways for us to blow cash on material objects or something of momentary satisfaction. But lets try this again with another perspective.. We were wealthy, beginning to forget Allah (SWT) for his blessings and thanking him for those blessings.. Then we fell into the desires of our nafs. Understandable. But now, we need money. Whats the first thing we usually do after whining and complaining? We look to Allah and ask him for help. So Allah, overjoyed that his slave is requesting assistance, places thoughts in our minds, thoughts such as, ..going to the grocery store.. coincidentally close to the mall, where we get ..the idea.. to walk around, thus causing us to ..see.. available position signs outside of different stores. Then we walk in and apply, and get brought in for an interview, ehm ehm, another blessing. Then we get hired. Another. We start to earn money. Another. We get life back on track. Another. Then we start blowing money on other things again.. Besides monetary, i dont know about u, but im beginning to notice a chain of events here, a psychological cycle which tends to repeat itself yet over and over again. Before we think anything else, i want to point out the beauty of this cycle. This chain. We are placed INTO hardships and misfortune, BECAUSE we are beginning to forget Allah due to our wealth. So, what does he do? Throw something down on us, JUST so we can ask him for help.. He's helping US, remember Him. Subhanallah. And again, I dont know about u, but there were tons, i mean TONS of blessings involved in that process alone.. Do we even think about that? Do we even SEE it in that perspective? i highly doubt it. And those who do, I guarantee that you will not be disappointed.

To wrap it up, i just want to conclude by saying that we really need to focus on what we have, rather than what we dont. Be thankful for what we have. Be accepting of it. Life is not all about living a life of luxury. There are times in life where misfortunes befall us. Its only best to lift our palms to the sky, thank Allah for the state we're in, because trust me, it could be 10x worse than where youre at in that moment. Be thankful and dont whine. As the ayah goes, "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raaji un." -Indeed from Allah do we come and to him do we return- Goes well with everything else we have: our money, status, friends, health, family, and especially, our lives. He gave it to us to borrow for 65 some years, and it goes right back after were done using it. What's essential is how we use it. May Allah give us the hidaayah to constantly remember him for his blessings, thank him, and may he listen to our prayers, accept those which he deems proper, and continue to bless us with whatever he has in store for us. Aameen.

Public Speaking

2005-09-13T23:40:00.000-05:00

I met up with two of my friends eariler, Owais and Jalal, both with whom i attended grade school with. Its amazing the changes that have overtaken us all, but Jalal hasnt changed a bit. He's the same ol' goofy Jalal since 5th grade. His passion for the African American lingo is rather intriguing as he seems to always come up with new words for daily items. This semester, he's taking a public speaking course. Now we have never discouraged him from doing anything that would make him succeed, religiously and mentally. When he said he was taking a public speaking course, we never said a word, for both of us knew the benefits of the class and how it would impact him. We couldnt wait for the first speech he had to make...

Jalal: yeah jo, nigga i busted out wif my first speech ta-day in ma public speakin class

-Owais and I laugh in unison-

Jalal: hehe bro it was tight jo. I hadta speak on, "what if there was a fire, what would u save."

-Owais and I laugh in unison, again. oh lord.

Jalal: haha yeah yo. There was this boi James, i hadta speak on what he would save from his crib, if it was on fire. So i was all like, wut up wut up jyall. Aight, so imagine this, poor guy James is comin home and when he gets thurr, his crib is out on fiyah. poor guy jo, i would say get the peepz out juknow, and then he'd save summa his possessions gee, like his medallion, his hair gel, and something else, i forget. Yeah jyo, the class was like, dayum foo, this boi's a piyump. Urrbody was clappin and whatnot.. The teacha gave me an A+ jyo! Yo i was like helll yah jyo..

-Owais and I continue to laugh throughout the entire description of his speech-

Jalal: hehe yeah jyo, but she said i used summa (makes quotes with fingers) "informal language" like i said Um a few times..

Me: .. and jyo.

Jalal (in disbelief): yeahhhh, gee, she said i cant use that!

-What has the world come to?-

Blessings and Gifts

2005-09-06T23:32:00.000-05:00

From, "rise and shine" to "goodnight", such are 2 phrases we encounter throughout the course and routine of every single day of our lives. Verily what's substantial are the actions taken during the hours our eyes are open and our brains are functioning, controlling our reflexes and thought process. Evidently it seems as though our master and creator is easily forgotten with the stresses and engagements of the busy work day. We tend to forget that the reason for our mere existence, the beating of our hearts, the pumping of our blood, and breathing of air are all a ni'3mah and in'3aam, blessings and gifts, coming from the same root word in Arabic, from the the All-Giving. I find it rather interesting tht Ni'3mah and In'3aam come from the same root for a gift is a blessing, and blessings are gifts and it is haraam to decline gifts. The very famous biography of the companion of the Blessed Prophet Muhammed (S), Salman al Farsi (RA) the persian, lists a few of the attributes of the Prophet Muhammed (S). There is one incident in the conversion of this sahabah which had me going. A memoir from his biography paraphrased:

When Salman (RA) was still a kidnapped slave, he worked as a helper to the priest of the church. Brought up a zoroastrian, he questioned whether or not fire could really be an ultimate power, for it has a weakness, it can be put out. His thirst for knowledge and passion for finding a much more proper path to walk upon, pushed him to run away from home. The caravan which he hopped onto sold him to the church. He noticed much hypocracy and corruption in the church and as the priest lay in his bed, dying, he called upon Salman (RA). He told him of a Prophet emerging in the Arabian vicinity, a city where there would be two black mountains near a date field. He told him of 3 signs that this was in fact a true Prophet. The sign which pertains to this post is my favorite. So Salman (RA) left the church and proceeded to the Arabian territory where he was sold to a jew who owned a date field near two black mountains, near or in Medina, i cant remember which. Salman (RA)'s joy of arriving in such a land was so incredible, he didnt mind slaving away for a master. Everyday he strained for some news of the arriving prophet. One day he heard the Prophet (S) was coming to Medina. Never forgetting the signs, he approached the Prophet (S) one day with a bowl of dates and offered it as Sadaqah, charity. The Prophet (S) took the bowl and distributed the dates amongst the companions sitting in his presence. The following day, Salman (RA) brought another bowl of dates and presented it as a gift. This time, the Prophet (S) took one, before passing it along.

Thoughtful, kind and generous are understatments for the Prophet Muhammed (S). He thought of others before he thougut of himself. His never ending perseverence to have every single member of his ummah enter paradise is spectacular. Nowadays, we could hardly care what others are doing, we're so caught up in our own lives. It is our obligation to care for our brothers, sisters and neighbors, yes, neighbors. (The story with the non-Muslim lady who threw garbage at the feet of the Blessed Prophet Muhammed (S) comes to mind) The point is, we should broaden our scope about whats going on around us, rather keeping within ourselves. thinking that the world revolves around us constantly. You never know when someone you really care about could need your assistance but is afraid to ask. The least we could do is to make it clear that we are available for help and that one shouldn't hesitate to ask. I forgot where i was going with this... khair. If anyone ever needs anything, please please pleassssse done hesitate to ask.. whatever it could possibly be.. inshallah i will try my best and with effort in my body to accomplish whatever it is you need me to do..

Life's Treasure Hunt

2005-08-30T03:52:00.000-05:00

Life's greatest hunt for a treasure so valuable, so rewarding and comforting.. R-E-L-I-E-F.

What is the solution for stagnant waves of the restless mind, where fishermen begin sail in one direction and eventually end in various others?

What is the remedy for constant heavy sighs; so heavy, mountains crumble under its weight?

What is the prescription for closed eyelids bearing heat; heat strong enough to melt diamonds?

What is the elucidation for the hurftul heart housing pain and suffering, with each pump, spelling out the words: 'misguided', 'lost', and 'hurt'?

Undoubtedly the treasure map lies deep within the soul, the answer, whose intrinsic attributes consist of purity and oneness. This solution is so clear but many are completely oblivious to it, even as it stares right in the eyes.. leaving us resorted to the saying, "Seek and You Shall Find".. and i think i have found..

Insomnia

2005-08-25T01:16:00.000-05:00

Zubair: hey, you awake?
Me: ...yeah
Zubair: wanna step outside real quick for some fresh air?
Me: ...sure.

Last night, around 3.30 AM, Zubair and I stepped out for a few minutes. Standing in the warm, limp, end of summer air, i knew we were both thinking about life's issues that we were dealing with, only neither said a word, just gazed quietly at the starry sky. Eventually, the chirping of the beetles slowly provoked conversation...
Zubair: sigh. i wish ...i was a star.

-long silence-

Me: even stars blow up.

-again, long silence-

Zubair: mm.. in that case, i wish i was...

-a silence, full of crickets filled our ears again for another 4-5 minutes. I guess it can't exactly be silent if there are crickets chirping, but it was as though the crickets blended into the silence, as though they were part of it-

Zubair: i wish i was an Angel. then i would just sit in front of Allah (SWT) all day.. just praising him. And every now and then, with His permission, i would come down to the clouds and watch the humans.. what a life that would be..

- "What a life that would be.." -

Ceramics

2005-08-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

Usman and I were talking about how it sucks that school is back in session and my bogus three hour ceramics class i had to sit in today..

(btw.. the picture on the left is just one of the many pieces that bhayyah did in his ceramics class)

Me: i dont even know if i should take a notebook.
Usman: nice dude, well its not like ceramix is crap.. i bet its pretty cool
Me: true that
Usman: designing stuff..
Me: its really neat, i saw my bro's stuff
Me: dude its sooo amazing, yet, something guys dont usually do, u know? but he was a soldier, he chartered into the unknown territory of the world of ceramics
Usman: faaiz?
Me: and has left a mark and leway for men of all races to enter as well, yeah faaiz
Usman: man he has god on his side, he can go anywhere
Me: hahahaha
Usman: yea.. he can mack too dude, with them green eyes and religousness. u know them girls are looking for ways to dodge hell so they gonna start talkin and bein nice to faaiz, hopin god is like, alright ill forgive ur last 8 years of whoring around..

-Did i mention that i love every word that comes out of this guys mouth?-

Flea Market

2005-08-18T12:42:00.000-05:00

My best friend Junaid had gone to Pakistan for two and a half weeks, and upon his return, he called me. Making plans for the day, he interrupts:

Junaid: dude! i'm assembling a cabinet that we brought back from Pakistan at a flea market
Me: yeah
Junaid: and i swear to God, there's a flea in here.

-HAHA how awesomly random is that?!-

Lost and Found

2005-08-15T03:16:00.000-05:00

"Bro, can I tell you something? You've changed so much in the past two months. Subhanallah, i dont know how to explain it, but you're really different now. Dont get me wrong, its a good thing.."

- A sentence i hardly think i'll ever forget. A very ecstatic and sincere friend of mine said this to me just a few days ago, and as most people know, i am not one to boast. On the other hand, i think that in times like this, its essential that i seriously pride myself in a change so remarkable that i take a step back and glance quickly at the past few months and see what it is that has evidently lead to such a reformation. -

A few months ago, i was at the prime of my game. "Leader of the Pack". Not a care in the world, blowing cash right and left, breathing hookah and cigerettes like they were air.. (cringing) the girls.. the oh-so nonchalant style, the moves, the groove, the way i walked, the way i talked.. ESPECIALLY the way i talked and what i said were all so ignorant and i was completely blinded by what i had and what i was doing that i didnt ever reflect upon how bad it all was. Eventually when i DID realize how bad it all was, Alhamdulillah, i was at such a state that i could stop, take two steps backwards, DEEP sigh and a shake of the head, and continue back on the straight path.

The detour happened to lead to Haraamsville where, apparently, everything goes. I guess i decided it was too dark outside to head back, so i booked a night at the nearest hotel and planned to stay a while. All of what i did sounded so good at the time, even though my conscience kept strapping me back, it was weak and my nafs was not to be defeated. Speeding down further and further, my conscience tugged at me, attempting to hold me back like a seat belt. In my annoyance and ignorance, i unbuckled it. I began speeding faster and faster to where i almost hit the point of no return, but then there was screaming, spinning, a light, a crash, and all was quiet.

Alhamdulillah i survived, the airbags had flown out. Apparently there was a malfunction and they engaged regardless of my seatbelt unbuckled. I was lucky, though many arent. I staggered out of the car, looked around, not a person in sight. I began to ponder strenuously at what happened. I turned around inches away stood a white bricked wall. My car had hit it and was stuck halfway in between. I was flabbergasted at how it appeared suddenly, for i had not seen it on the road. There seemed to be inscription on each block of brick. I leaned closer and squinted my eyes. "Iman, Property of Faseeh Biabani," it read. It was my iman that had saved me from continuing along this side path. Right there i realized how bad things were going, how reckless i had become. I didnt know what to do, all i knew was that i was in the wrong and i needed to get away from the scene of the accident. I picked up my bags and began walking right back to where the detour had started. I had voyaged so deep into Haraamsville that retracing my steps and going back to where i left off was such an extremely long way down. Miles and miles down, my shoes were battered, i was walking barefoot, the bottom of my feet were bleeding. The sun beat down on me so strongly that i feared that i might die of dehydration with each step. I hadnt tasted fresh water in who knows how long. Vultures spelling out the word, "Nafs" circled above my head, waiting for me to break in. In my desperacy, I called out to Allah in shame and asking for forgiveness. I need his help and he was the only one that could help. Ashamed to ask him for help, disgraced to have him looking at me, i knew it was my only lifeline.

Suddenly, my surroundings shifted. I was now at a carnival. I looked at myself and saw that i was around the age of 4. I was wearing khaki colored overalls and a navy blue t-shirt. On my head was a baseball cap with propellers on top. I looked around and people, who looked like giants to me, kept walking past. I didnt know where i was, where my guardians were, who to call out to, or how to feel. I didnt know what to do. I saw a clown in the distance, making balloon animals. Instinctively, i walked over and watched from a distance. One little boy, not much older than I, was getting a black puppy. The girl after him chose a purple flower. I wanted a balloon. My thoughts of where i was and what my purpose was, ran from my mind. I stood in line, and impatiently awaited my turn. I felt the impatience of a child who has to pee but doesnt know where to go. Eventually my turn came, and i couldnt think of what to choose. i had no idea who i was looking for and where to go. So i asked the clown to make an arrow pointing down at me.

I took my blue arrow and now i had no idea what to do. i felt so lost, so confused. i was alone, and cold. i walked around for a while but to no luck. I was beginning to get scared. Who do i go to when i dont know who brought me here? I began to get a bit teary. It felt like forever. I continued to look around. I saw people i knew, but none came to my rescue. They were preoccupied with their own business. I looked around and finally, one of my questions was answered. A big sign with lights around it read, 'The Carnival of Life'. I had no idea what that read. I couldnt read yet. So my chin beginning to shake, my eyes teary, desperate, hungry, lost, confused, scared.. i slowly worked my way around, trying to ask someone, anyone for help. Suddenly, i saw a smiling face walk over. Two. It was a lady and a man. The lady picked me up and smiled. I knew these people. But from where? The man resembled me so much, and the lady smelled like roses.. a familiar scent.. mom.. dad.. they asked me where i was going, and i said, i didnt know, i was lost. They never stopped smiling, the man said, "Somone's looking for you. He's waiting at the lost and found. We can tell you where it is, but that's as much as we can do. You'll have to get there yourself."

So the man and lady gave me some directions, and i started walking. Right at the cotton candy.. Mmm cotton candy. I want cotton candy. NO! said my head, i'm not going to be distracted. My objection is to get to whoever's waiting for me. So i kept on walking. Left at the house of Mr and Mrs Teddy Bear. Teddy BEARS! ooooh i wanna go there! i slowly began walking over.. again a voice in my head stopped me, SOHAIB! no.. So i kept on walking. Such distractions.. i kept my gaze lowered, and continued to walk, whispering the rest of the directions in my head over and over again. Now, left again at Disney Land. Keep your gaze lowered. It's the BIG building on the left, at the intersection of Salah and Dhikr. Wow. It IS big. and white. Very white. I walked in and the doors opened by themselves. I walked over to the lost and found department, and there He was. Almighty Allah, smiling, waiting for me to find him. My satisfaction was so great that i ran to him and "embraced" him. Never again would i leave him.

-Such a journey, such a destination. Such effort and distractions, such realizations. Its all a part of life and such.-

Mama's Boy

2005-08-13T04:43:00.000-05:00

"Mama's boy", a phrase that never has, and probably will be, applied to me. I dont understand the concept of a mama's boy for it's difficult to understand. I know every family with a male child must have at least one mama's boy. Just off the top of my head, i can list my friends and their family members and already tell you who the mama's boy in each of those families are. I guess one could say, it's a bit of a controversial matter when it comes to this phrase because in Western culture, it's regarded as somewhat of an insult, "mama's boy", whereas in Islam, i guess you could say, its totally okay and essential to love and care for one's mother, to obey every one of her commands, save those which endanger one's life and religon. But in order to understand who falls under this category, it would be ideal to illustrate who a mama's boy would be. I think it is appropriate to use the example of my brother, for it is he who is in fact the mama's boy in our family, and i see his relationship with my mother more than i see those of the other mama's boys from other families. This is not to put him down to disgrace him, for it is an honorary trait i guess one could say, from in Islamic point of view that is. I also think it is proper for me to add, a Masha'Allah, before i begin.

Approximately 8 years ago, when my brother was 13, he began his adventurous journey to the neighboring country of Canada in order to commence the ever-rewarding campaign of memorizing the Quran. The reason for the depart to such a lengthy distance in order to accomplish this deed was fundamentally for the fact that the school he would be attending was not only a dormitory for students pursuing the title of a Hafidh, conjointly, it was an academic school as well. Therefore, he would not only study the Quran, but continue his education which he was leaving behind. His stay at the school lasted, i want to say, oh, two and half years and he completed the final half of the third year back home in Chicago. I remember his first visit home, 15 days before the month of Ramadan, we had stayed awake all night decorating the house for him (call me fruity, i was only 12.. punks), and he arrived around five in the morning. Until that time, he was my closest friend, confidant, and ally. Together we had played, fought, devised plans for trouble, etc, and after 5 long months, you can imagine my excitement of his return. I remember my first day with him when he came back, Canada had changed him a lot and it was easily written on his face. One noticeable feature was the radiance of Nur on his face, and that's something I doubt i'll ever forget, true i didnt understand at the time. Another evident distinction was the silent obedience he carried. It seemed as though he didnt speak anymore and if anyone wanted something done, he would dash to get the task accomplished. It would take much effort to get him to speak, and along the years, i have noticed that about a lot of potential huffadh. When they first come home, they have that obvious silence that they didn't have when they left and their obedience is remarkable. That was truly the first sign to his dubbing of the mama's boy. Within those two and a half some years, every time he would visit, he was easily more and more obedient, especially to my mother. To paraphrase the very acclaimed narration of a companion that had come to the Prophet (S):

S(RA): Who is the person who is most worthy my good companionship?
PM(S): Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father.

Such an emphasis is placed upon the respect and wishes of one's mother. According to another tradition of the Prophet Muhammed (S), he said that Paradise lies under the feet of your mother. I know i was introduced to both traditions long ago while i was a child. As a youth, and im sure many can relate, i would ever so sneakily take a peek at the bottom of my mothers feet to see if heaven was there. Obviously, i had taken the tradition much too literally, and it was only after i was a bit more mature that i understood the narration. I recall, on a visit from Canada, my brother dashing to my mothers side when she called him. Nowadays (mA), if she calls him, hes like the Genie from "I Dream of Jeannie". He could be in one room, but instantaneously he arrives in the room my mother is in. Its unbelieveable, i could be sitting right in front of her, and i hear a little *pop* and hes standing there, "You called?". Subhanallah, i mean, that is truly remarkable, any time she needs for him to do something, it is done in the best of quality. I, on the other hand, stuff things under the beds, tidy things that would be viewed first, things like that. In a nutshell, a poor job. I should take notes out of his book. It would be beneficial no doubt. My laziness is at such a level that i recall asking my mother once to ask me for water and fall asleep so i could stand there awaiting her wake, to imitate the deed of Shaykh Sharfuddin. Alas, she only laughed and til this day i await for her to ask for water and fall fast asleep.

Telemarketers..

2005-08-10T23:41:00.000-05:00

It seems as though the traffic of sales calls to the Biabani residence increases more and more by the day. I find it rather annoying how my name is constantly butchered over and over again to such a point where I just refer to myself as, "yes, this is he." The more intriguiging and whimsical apportionment to it all is the creative means we take to discontinue the calls. Innovative methods are established to prevent wasting of time on sales pitches for products we will never need or use, and in turn, we all have our own ways of dealing with the callers. For instance, my father, the most creative of us all, tends to humor us with the various strategies he uses including, what i like to call, the "Never Again" technique. He sits and listens, whilst sarcastically giving an input of an interested customer, an "mmhm" here and another every so often. At the end of the call, when the operator tried to aggressively close the sale by asking for my father's information, he merely says, "Sounds interesting, but I'm not interested right now." Never again does that company call. Never. I, on the other hand, try to save myself the time and energy by simply hanging up after inquiring where the telemarketer is calling from. My brother, being the innocent, considerate type, usually tries to find the right time and place in the call to stop the caller and tell them he's not interested, but being the science major, his aggressiveness level is always low. So he kindly says something like, "I'm REALLY sorry, i AM. I'm not interested. No interest for 6 months? Wow. Sounds really good, but again, I'm not interested. I'm sorry." WHO apologizes to a telemarker?! its beyond me. My cousin Zubair, who resides with us, just flirts with the caller in a really fobby accent, whether its a male or female, til theyre disgusted and then says bye and hangs up. There IS one particular instance which I thought was very funny, a sales caller asked to speak to my mom.. she said something I would have never thought of...

(On speakerphone)

Mom: hello?
TM: hi, I'm calling from First National Bank, Congratulations! you're preapproved for a Platinum Visa credit card from First National, with no interest on all of your purchses for one FULL year. AND theres no annual fees. This is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity, and NO ONE is offering a product, THIS good. How does that sound?
Mom: ehhh. sowry. noh eenglis.

-Click-

Dad: (in urdu) who was that?
Mom: (in English) a telemarketer offering the same retarded deal as everyone else.. who's up for some ice cream?

- HAHA, if you know my mom, it makes it all even more humorous. I think we really tick off these telemarketers and they avenge their frustration by sending us the material anyway and at the same time, passing on our information to other companies so that they may also pester us with some ludicrous offer. From now on forth, i think im just going to tell them that Fyah-see-hyu-dn doesn't live here anymore. -

This? This is just stupidity.

2005-08-08T15:38:00.000-05:00

Today was rather an interesting day. I spent the first three quarters of it "volunteering" at MuslimFest, an Islamic entertainment event. When i say volunteering, i mean jammin with the bands backstage, which was really neat, and pretty much bringing their instruments on and offstage. Yeah, i guess u could say the entirety of my labor is easily no more than an hours worth of work, ergo the volunteering bit in quotes. Ahh.. the perks of volunteering. Sadly i knew some sisters there, and they were working at least 3x more than i was and they missed the first half of the shows.. my deepest of sympathies to them, and satisfaction of my fortune. Much love yall. hehe. Anyway, so one of the shows today included world renowned muppet, Adam from Adams World. The Adams World characters performed a skit in which Adam was sick and wasnt able to go to some donation drive at the hospital. So he called (800) Give-Give-Give and donated all of his stuff to the hospital. Moments later, when his friend, Dawud Ali Wharnsby, came back to check up on him, he realized he gave everything away; from his blanket and pillow to his underwear to his tv. But one by one, all of his friends brought back an item from the drive, which was formerly his, and presented it as gifts. It was really nice. But the highlight of this post was when one of the characters came on stage, the local imam. His name was Shayk YerKufi (Shake your kufi). HAHA it was hilarious, my brother and cousin, Talha sat there til the show was over laughing about Shayk Yerkufi, who also happened to be a young, fellow volunteer. Whenever we saw him walkin around, we called his name out trying to treat him like a celebrity. There was one occasion which was most humerous...

-Helping Yousef Adams (Jazz Drummer) set up his drums, Shayk YerKufi aka Amer an arab brother, walks past -

Talha: HEY OH MY GOD LOOK WHO IT IS! .. Shake your booty! ohhh snap, did i just say that outloud?
My brother and I: HAHAHAHAHA
Talha: .. i mean hehehehehehe.. Shayk... hahahaha.. Yerkufi HAHAHAHA

- Amer walks over to see what the laughing is all about -

Amer: whats up? whats so funny?
Talha: sorry man, i pronounced ur name wrong
Amer (texting, trying to act nonchalant): mm what did u say?
Talha: hahahaa, i said: "Shake yer-"
Me: he said shake ur topi.
Amer: oh.

- Amer walks away -

Me (to Talha): are you out of ur mind?! HAHAHAHA
My brother: HAHAHA
Talha: HAHAHA

- All in all, it was extremely funny. I'm still laughing about it. HAHAHA -

"Get A Life"

2005-08-07T05:51:00.000-05:00

Posting last night's blog as well as texting with my guy, Owais..

Owais: yo wut u doin?
Me: updatin my blog, y wuts up?
Owais: dude @ 4 am? go get.. BUY a life
Me: lol yes at 4 am, and indeed i already have a life
Owais: somethings wrong with it yo, do something about it
Me: no returns, exchanges or warranties. comes as is.
Owais: then get it altered my friend
Me: yeah i know this one tailor, his name is God. im thinkin bout passin it thru him.. ever hear of him?
Owais: yeah gee.. supposed to be the best.. i hear he launders too..
Me: hey, might as well.

- Wonderful. Thats what i call a "One Stop, Quick Shop" -

The Dating Game (Islaamified)

2005-08-06T06:31:00.000-05:00

Preparing to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, my cousin Talha and I were discussing our plans for the upcoming ISNA convention and events at ISNA, when this came up..

(This is not to offend anyone, it's merely a joke. if you dont have a sense of humor, dont read this.)

Me: hey, you know what? i got this random e-mail and apparently Naseeb.com is coming to ISNA and theyre gonna have their own event in some room, like some sorta Islamic "hook-up" if you may..

Talha: haha no way
Me: yeah, thats crazy..
Talha: thats so stupid, watch, i bet you, in the near future, theyre gonna come up with a Halal Dating Game
Me: dude, haha, can you imagine that? it'll be like that show from the 1960s.. i can see it now..

- cue dreamy music, all goes white, dating game stage appears, with me as the host and Talha as the announcer Rich Fields from The Price is Right -

Talha: Welcome toooooooo "The Halal Dating Show"! where YOU ask the questions, YOU get to pick your spouse, not your parents! ..ANDDDDD... ITS TOTALLY HALAL! Lets meet our contestants for the night.

- camera zooms in on contestant number 1, but figure remains dark and anonymous -

Contestant #1: (Ecstatic) Assalamu alaikum! im hizabi numbah 1, from Guzurat, India and i enzoy reading Quran, praying 5 timej a day by candlelight and im well known for my sickun curry!

Contestant #2: (Even more ecstatic, trying to outdo the last) Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah! im hijabi number 2, from Manhattan, New York. My parents come from Punjab, Pakistan, andddd, i enjoy praying 5x a day, reading Quran, following the Sunnah, and my brother is one of the members of the well known Bhangra group, RDB! WOO!

Constant #3: ASSALAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHI WA BARAKATUHU! ah is NIQABI numbah 1, fo show, from Burkinafaso, Ouagadougo in Africa (real place, no joke) and MAH interests include, like the otha sisters seeyid, prayin fah tahmz a day, readin Quran, an ah like to follow the Sunnah an da Hadith. One of my traits, u can say, is that i speak various different languages, from French to Arabic to English to Mmmblararalaiiiink(click)tililililili-oongwah to Ebonics!

Talha: Welcome ALL! and nowwww, heres your HOST, FASEEHHHHHHHHH BIABANIIIIIIIIII!

-Host walks in with a fake smile and microphone in hand-

Me: Thanks Talha, and welcome all to the Halal Dating Game, the show where you ask the questions, you pick the spouse, no parents needed! yes, thats true folks, in this show, YOU do all the work AND.. the whole process.. its alllllllll halal! So without further ado, lets get started.. Our guest tonight is, Mohammed Khan from Hyderabad, India. Assalamu alaikum Mohammed Khan, great to have you on the show! Lets being by you telling us a little about yourself.

MK: Velll.. im from the citihee of Heydrabaad, Hindustan. Aaaandh. i hawe a yum-dee (MD) from Osmania Uniwersity (women in crowd go wild). My pappa is a haaaht suhgun (we're assuming this means heart surgeon) aaaaandh he ahlso grajvated frem the Osmania. My mummyjaani is a vonderful laydee, a stay ath-home wife. Recent-hhh-ly i was promo-ted to headdh o' the depaahtment in thee hospit-hal th-at i cerrantly praactis. I yum in suhch of a cute looking and smahht beewi, andh i hoap that-h my suhching vill come to a full staahp too-night.

Me: Wow, you're a doctor?! i thought it would be easier for you than the average taxi driver, but we do not discriminate on this show. I'm sure any of these ladies will be more than willing to marry you in an instant. Hey i mean, cmon, isnt that what most women look for? A mama's boy Doctor, and a loving mother in law whose face you'll have to see pretty much 18 of the 24 hours of the day! HAHA. boy, the perks of being male. annnnyway. lets continue with the show... lets go over the rules of the show. Cursing, sexual or immoral language or talk, violence, and badmouthing others is forbidden, Mr. Khan, keep your gaze lowered, you get 2 questions per person, which you have decided in advance.. annnnnnnnnd go.

MK: oooookayyy. thissss qves-shun is foh hijabi numbah 2. If you weh any jaanwar, mathlab kayyyyy animal, vhat vould you bhe?

Contestant #2: like. oookay. well, like um lemme think about this one.. (twirls finger in her hair, which we cannot see, while ferociously chews gum).. errr... like i would say.. umm like... um a princess? because like, theyre pretty like me, (laughs a ditsy laugh), anddd like they have lots of money, like you. annnnnnddd yeah! a princess!

MK: velllllllllllll... okaaaaaaai. um. i doant know vhat to thinnk. i yum thinking that vhat the hell she is thinking? compleetly inaccyu-ret. behraal. hijabi numbah vun. same qves-shun.

Contestant #1: kaym cho? majama? velkl i yum theeking thet i vould be the zhungur.

MK: zhungur?

Contestant #1: yass. like the thing.. um vhat u call it? umm.. (lifts finger to jaw) in Umrikah, they aah calling ith.. coke-crotch. the thinhgy crawl-ingh in my bistar. brown thinghy.

MK: ooh, jhungur? okaaaai. bhutt vhy?

Contestant #1: bhecuz umm. soooooo mannnnny ah in my ghar thhhat i hawe a zhungur prend. I caal im ...hirthik. hirtik rosun. hirtik saadi-ed kaazol aannndh they hawe bachchay, salman, saah ruk, aandddh amithab. ve ah like the umm, big pamily. i vould like to bhe zhungur so i can aalsoh marry the amithab.

MK: oookaaaaai. i yum think-hing thaat this is big mishtake. this next qves-shun is foh niqaabi numbah vun. howw vud u make me the teah?

Contestant #3: boyyyyy, oh no chu di'in! do ah LOOK like a slave to you? what?! askin THEM what animal they be. wha cayn ah gets that question? wha u gotta give the black girl the labor question? two hun'ih yeahz mah ancestahs suffuh'd, sayin, yessah massa. boiiii. if you be think imma sit thurr makin u teah all day, u betta getcho act straight. sheeee. no wunda u aint married, stupid brown folk. (crosses arms and slumps back)

MK: hay u theyah, dhont go on the trip. i mean, enh.. kya hai vo? dhont trip owah that wiah. i mean enhh..

Me: dont trip?

MK: dhats it! fuhst, dhont trip. secondly i yum only inqvyahring foh my mummyjaani vanted me to bringh home a guhl that knows how to cook the teah. but ve shall isskip dhat qveshun.

Contestant #3: whaah? cuz you thank i can' makes teah? is that it boy? boi dont makes me get off this chair. i will come ovah theyah and...

Me: ok ok.. haha (fake TV laugh). lets try to keep this in order. this IS an islamic event.. dont forget that. haha. (fake TV laugh)

MK: dhis is the most pah-thetic rishta i hawe ewer seen. i dhont know vhat i shall tell to my mummyjaani... i prahmised huh a good bahu. i dant vaant thisss kind of useless bachchis! I QVIT!

Contestant #2: umm like.. i dont get it. can he like dooo that?

Contestant #1: dhuz this mean i get to marry amitabh? i yum conpuse. sumbuddy can help me?

Contestant #3: its cuz im black aint it? booooiiii, it bettah not be cuz im black!

(All contestants get up and start throwing their slippers at MK. MK hides behind stool he was sitting on, retaliating with paan juice)

Me (fake smile into the camera): Well folks, this is all the time we have for today. Once again proving that this stuff REALLY .. doesnt work.

(Contestant #1 in the background is heard yelling: "Maaru chay thu sigal hai thu!)

Me: From all of us here at MTV (Muslim Television), Ma Assalamah and stay halal yall! (Ducks to avoid bad aim from contestant #2)

- What a night. haha, if i see any of you in that room at isna... whats that? what will I be doing in there? making sure that none of YOU are present, thats what! lol -

Pre-Requisites

2005-08-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was deep in an online dialogue with a good friend of mine, also somewhat like an older sister, SA aka Her Highness, the Queen of Randomness. Simultaneously she was on the phone with, as she called it, a "rishta guy" (potential spouse). She really didnt want to talk to him, and I tried to entertain her to make the experience much more enjoyable. Due to some circumstance, I was forced to leave her halfway, and when I came back, she had signed off. Today, when I began talking to her, I first had to apologize strenuously before she would talk to me again. I asked her how her call went, and this is the response I got:

SA: stupid freak asked me if i can cook
Me: so what did you say?
SA: and im like yeah but i dont make indian food, i hate everything desi hehe
Me: haha so wutd he say?
SA: he was like ohh and asked why
Me so wutd u say?
SA: i said i dont want my house smelling like curry
Me: HAHA, noooooo, u did NOT.
SA: hehe yeah i was soo annoyed who the hell does he think he is? i cant believe guys expect the girl to cook, clean, work, and take care of kids.. losers. and THEN he asked me if i was ever in a relationship
Me: the nerve! what did u say?
SA: i told him its none of his business and he shouldnt ask me personal questions cuz i dont know him and i dont want to answer stupid questions, so then he asked me about my goals in life
Me: woww what a punkk
SA: i think i was being mean to him, i feel kinda bad, but i dont want a guy who is going to ask me if i know how to cook
Me: haha maybe hes just curious
SA: no u never ask someone that, so in the end i told him im looking for a doctor.

- The dude was a finance major. That settles that. -

If Only You Knew My Story...

2005-07-30T04:31:00.000-05:00

The following is a true story.. an episode of laughter and drama leading to an unexpected tragedy which marks a very eventful day in the life of the author. This story is very personal to me and I highly doubt that more than 4 of my most intimate friends know of it, but the everlasting scar is ultimately the reason behind one of my "characteristics" as those friends like to call it. This is primarily being posted because of the endless perseverance by so many people who ask how it all started, why I do what I do, and thanks to an initial push by a warm-hearted friend, here I am. I warn you, I still feel uneasy exposing such a deep secret, but as I have written so much as I lean back upon my pillow, I might as well continue..

[August 29, 2001 | 7:02 AM]

-BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP-

"Stupid alarm clock," I thought to myself, as I was having quite a peaceful dream; something about sleeping.. I believe.

I stood up and lazily stretched, slowly making my way to the bathroom, running a mental tasklist for the day of what I needed to do and if I had done my homework from last night, also checking to make sure I hadn't missed anything. Feeling content with my satisfaction knowing that I hadn't, I sighed a sigh, neither of anxiety nor of relief. As I brushed my teeth and prepared for a quick shower, I suddenly had a funny feeling that this day was going to be different than most days.

[Hours later, in the computer lab]

"Urgh!!! I hate these stupid computers, retarded floppies.."

I looked curiously at my neighbor, a freshman desi Muslim girl, who was experiencing an immense amount of frustration and trouble trying to open a file off of her floppy disk. Too absorbed in finishing my lab report (I had conveniently forgotten about the night before), and with almost 10 minutes til it was due, I was trying to make use of every second I had, yet a large part of me felt sympathetic towards her as I realized she may have something important to turn in as well, and I imagined myself in her shoes.

"Hang on," I said, and ejected the floppy. Turning it over, I noticed the lock was on, so I handed it back unlocked. "NOW try it."

"Oh.. thanks! mannn I didnt think it would open, im running late for a class, I was supposed to print this out earlier, now my teacher probably thinks im ditching, im gonna get in so much trouble, and im rambling like an idiot because im spazzing!"

"Haha, try breathing," I advised her, "don't sweat it, just show your teacher your printout and im sure they'll figure where you've spent the last 20 minutes," I said glancing at the time. SHOOT, I had less than 5 minutes. I quickly focused my attention to my blinking cursor on Microsoft Word, the paper clip guy was yawning. I suddenly felt the urge to yawn as well. Stupid yawns, so contagious.

She pushed her chair back, walked to the printer and returned with her finished work.

"Thanks so much, I'm FM by the way," she said.

"And I'm Faseeh," I replied quickly. Crap, I needed to b.s. my way through the rest of this report with time running out. Her voice seemed to break my thoughts.

"I'm a freshman," she said with a hint of provoking conversation, almost with a sensation of relevance of having a friend.

"Welcome, welcome, I'd love to chat, but as of 2 seconds ago, I'm screwed," I replied as the bell rang, "I gotta run, ill talk to you later inshallah. Assalamu alaikum"

"Wa alaikum salam."

Thus marked the day I first met FM. Now as it seems unlikely that most of you readers may find this of any significance, I assure you, it was only the beginning of it all. In the months that followed, FM and I became really good friends, rather I should say siblings as I viewed her as a younger sister and she looked upon me as an older brother, as a matter of fact the brother she never had. She would confide in me many of her secrets, troubles, and moments of happiness, and in return I would sympathize, laugh, and display affection, all in their respective moments. You could say, she found comfort in my voice.. I was the comfort voice..

[Mid-January, some time between lunch and the end of the day]

One day, she approached me and sat down on the chair opposite to me. I noticed strain on her forehead as though she was under pressure or facing some sort of inner conflict. Naturally, I decided to ask her about it.

“Hey,” I greeted

“Mmm,” she replied, staring hard at a scratch on the table.

“What’s wrong kiddo?”

“Nothing… -sigh- …I dunno, stuff.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

She looked at me, debating within herself whether or not she should tell me, but she was reluctant.

“…I dunno, its been crazy at home. I don’t know how to deal with it, like it’s seriously tearing me apart.”

“You do know that you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable talking about it.”

“No, it’s not that, I swear, I wanna tell you… its just hard to, you know, put it in words.”

To tell you the truth, I had no idea what she was talking about, but I could only expect the worst. So I prepared my mind to hear the worst thing possible, only because I figured that if it wasn’t something as bad, it would be a relief for me, and easier to comfort her about it. We sat there in silence, as she continually heaved sighs over and over again. I was beginning to feel scared for her.

“Yeah, sorry,” she apologized, “Um… so… my brother in law beats my sister… and now they want a divorce.”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry…”

Oh wow was right. I had expected something greater of course, and even though it was easier to comfort her, this was not a simple matter. Her older sister was her only sibling, and they were really close. I felt an enormous amount of sympathy towards her, bechari. No time to sympathize, I had to cheer her up.

“How long has it been going on? The beatings.”

“Who knows. The jerk. I HATE him.”

“Hey, listen, don’t worry about it. Inshallah everything’s going to be alright. I promise it kiddo, all you gotta do is make dua. Listen, my dad’s a marriage counselor. I’ll run it past him too and see what he can do. Ok?”

“Ok, thanks,” she said. I saw a hint of smile break upon her face. “Oooh, that’s my bell, gotta go, gotta go, thank you so much bhayyah. I’ll see you later!” she yelled as she ran out to her next class.

Silently I prayed for her, her family and her sister.

That night, I did run it past my dad, and actually he had some really neat things to say. So I took some notes and the next day when I saw her, alhamdulillah, cheerful and radiant as usual, she brought it up again, just to update me with what was going on with recent events. I told her that I had indeed asked my father and gave her some tips on what they could do. A few days later, she brought it up again and she was ecstatic when telling me that all was well again, and things were definitely changing…

After that event, she began filling me in more and more with some of her much deeper problems, mainly family issues. I figured it was primarily due to the fact that I had helped during the first issue, and indeed that was the case. I always noticed a look of relevance on her face each time she told me. At first, it was nice helping her out, after all, she was very much so a younger sister to me. But I was no priest. Eventually, it began to get irritating, yet I didn’t want to tell her to stop because I was irritated. That was just a sacrifice I was gonna have to make.

The year progressed slowly, and undoubtedly people were noticing our friendship. Some of our mutual friends would begin teasing us about how we were so close. It made things kind of awkward, and it seemed that it would increase by the day. At first I paid no heed, I mean, c’mon, who cares what they say? Eventually my close Muslim friends began hearing the rumor, and began the teasing as well. Only their teasing was a bit different than those of the non-Muslim friends. It was a harsher teasing. They knew my brother, and he, being the leader of the MSA at the high school, I was also bringing his reputation down. I decided it was best for me to stop talking to her altogether, but not permanently, just like a break. I figured it would be healthy. Don’t forget I was young and stupid at the time, four years ago. I had assumed that the no talking would quit the wrongful rumor spreading and the irritation.

Now some of you may be thinking, what a jerk, and all I can say is ditto. It was definitely a bad move on my part. She didn’t understand at first, she also heard what people were saying, but when she realized, I was disregarding it all, and trying to explain that we weren’t seeing each other, things were getting worse. So, don’t get me wrong, I tried, but I should have tried harder. She continued to try and talk, but if I could avoid it, I would. SIGH. I continuously see her innocent face bugging me, asking me to talk to her, besides the usual greetings, and how-do-you-dos.

Eventually, weeks later, my restlessness reached its peak. The entire time I was bothered with my behavior with her, and I realized how stupid of a move I had made. So one morning I approached her and tried talking to her, all normal again. I was foolish to think she’d give me the same form of response as she would have given me weeks ago because it didn’t happen like that. Now I was getting the cold shoulder. I felt so bad that I worked really hard to get her talking again, and eventually she did begin to talk to me again as the old-FM; only it was never the same. There was always this giant cloud of tension above our heads. It was almost uncomfortable to talk to her as I did before, and I knew it was entirely my fault. ALL mine.

[Last day of school, 12 something PM]

I was cleaning out my locker with my locker partner, who happened to be my brother, (Yeah yeah, it wasn’t even all that cute) when she approached me, with the same troubled look as I had seen on her face months ago, only it seemed a bit relaxed at the same time. I don’t know if that’s something you the reader can understand, but it was certainly written all over her face.

“Hey, Assalamu alaikum…”

“Oh heyyy, wa alaikum as salaam, what’s going on? You’re all ready to leave?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have much in my locker, so it was easy cleaning it out.”

“Three quarters of this stuff (rolling my eyes over to the locker) is mine, my brother, bechara’s doing most of the cleaning though, hehe.”

“Aww, see, you should be more like your brother! Haha.”

“Oh geez. Not you too,” I said grinning to her and shaking my head.

“Haha, nooo. Not me too. –SIGH- hey I wanted to tell you something.”

“What’s up?”

“Um… I’ve decided I’m not coming back next year. I found a really cool home-schooling teacher, and I think I’m going to study at home.”

I was totally at a loss for words. I was in shock, and I had an enormous feeling that she was doing that because of what I did that school year.

“Wow. Um, look, about earlier, I’m sorry for the way I acted, it wasn’t smooth, not at all, and I cant help but think that you’re leaving because of me.”

“No, no, dude, no its not like that. I heard about the whole concept and it really appealed to me, and I get to study whenever I want, the teacher comes over whenever I want, and shes really cool. She’s this Muslim girl. Inshallah, its gonna be a lot of fun. I just wanted to let you know, that I wont be here next year.”

MAN, I didn’t know how to feel. I was going through a huge dilemma of whether or not to feel sick to my stomach that I didn’t believe her, or happy that she found something she really likes and is comfortable with. But nothing I would have said would change her decision. I knew her, and her stubbornness. Finally…

“If you really think that’s something you’ll enjoy, I’m reallllllllly happy for you. I just wish you stay happy and just remember, if you’ll ever need me, you have my number, and you have my AIM and MSN, you’ll know where to find me.

“K… thanks… a lot. I don’t wanna hold you up, plus, your brother seems like hes struggling with your stuff hehe, not to mention, my ride’s waiting. So ill see you later?”

“Yeah dude, definitely. Take good care of yourself, inshallah you’ll do good kid. You’ll do good. Assalamu alaikum.”

“Wa alaikum Salam.”

-A few months later, I heard she came to visit, only I didn’t get a chance to meet her. That day was the last I ever saw of FM. A few months later… word came at the masjid… that she had passed away. It was some form of cancer, I believe. It came as a huge shock to me, I remembered her smiling, radiant face, and how we were friends, …and how I was so stupid. I took all of the blame upon myself. I felt it was because of me. If only I had kept her happier and continued to talk to her. What if she found out about the diagnosis when we were on a no-talking basis? What if she needed me most at the time? She had told me she found comfort telling me things and happiness and gratitude, that it would lift half of the burden off of her shoulders. I couldn’t find a way to think that my involvement didn’t play a role. I prayed for her maghfirah, and days later made a vow that I would always, no matter what I was doing, listen to someone when in need of that “comfort voice”. I would listen not only whole-heartedly, but I would give input and allow them to feel the weightless feeling that FM did when she would confide in me, and when I see those happy faces, its reason enough…-

Privileges?

2005-07-27T02:55:00.000-05:00

Discussing business with a really intellectual Muslimah who i had freshly recruited for ISNA

Dee: how are your parents gonna react to you working with girls at isna?
Me: they know, theyre cool about things, plus im a guy.. so thats something i guess?
Dee: ya. ur privileged..
Me: hmm. why do you think that im privileged?
Dee: because you can step beyond the confinements of religion cuz culture allows it

- Evidently the truth, yet it bothers me that its a privelege.. -

Fate vs. Luck

2005-07-23T03:44:00.000-05:00

At the masjid after Isha, i spoke to a very humble friend of mine who has always held some level of admiration in my book. He was discussing his plans for the near future and i was really happy to see his reasoning behind it all. The interesting part though was how far his humbleness would exceed..

(Note: name has been changed)

Me: so hows school coming along?
Hafiz Sahab: im thinking of taking the next semester off for daur (revision)
Me: oh mashallah
Hafiz Sahab: yeah inshallah, i've waited for too long and i cant delay it any further, i really think everything in the past 20 years has occured straight out of pure luck..
Me: nooo cmon, now ure being too humble
Hafiz Sahab: no im serious, some people only say it out of humbleness, but wahyatallah, sitting here in the state of wudu, in a masjid, after isha prayer, i swear, i have not done one thing in the past 20 years to deserve what i have today and everything i have is because it was willed by Allah (SWT)

-Subhanallah. If only everyone were like that, Allah (SWT) would have an abundance of servants praising him for whatever hes blessed them with. It takes something like that to make one realize, how ungrateful we are-

2 Six Footers & a Hafiz

2005-07-20T14:30:00.000-05:00

An old friend, Usman, and I started out discussing how much work sucks.. eventually one thing led to another and he got to discussing the basketball tournament at MEC..

Usman: You know we picked up Faaiz (my bro) on our basketball team. It seems all the good teams have in the tournament have 2 six footers and at least one hafiz
Me: hahahahaha
Usman: yeah, so we picked him up to cancel out their hafiz factor..

-Hey, you gotta love the logic behind THAT-

The Chicken or the Egg?

2005-07-19T14:31:00.000-05:00

A very humerous conversation with a grad student (DA) from NYU about the renowned theory of which came first, the chicken or the egg..

Me: how deep have you pondered the question: "what came first, the chicken or the egg?"
DA: umm, i believe it was the egg
Me: i believe it was the chicken
DA: ok, we cant be friends
Me: haha, yeah i dont even know why, but randomly i was thinking about it and i have a very interesting outcome
DA: ok
Me: well, i think the chicken came first because God make the chicken
DA: ok u win, u said God.
Me: haha no no, i mean as in he created the chicken first, plus doesnt the egg need a certain amount of heat to produce the chick? cuz i figure, if you were to put it in the sun, too much heat would just cook it, and the chicken sitting on the egg gives it the right amount of heat and what not

DA: yeah, i see what you mean
Me: but do you know what i picture when i ponder this question?
DA: india
Me: noahs ark.. india?
DA: yeah i used to live with my grandparents in india til i was 10, they had a farm with chicken and duck, i used to have a duck as a pet... until my grandmother cooked it
Me: oh, im sorry
DA: i wouldnt eat for 2 days cuz it was the same curry every day.

-I'm so sorry, but i found this amusing.. luckily, she's over it, and i had her permission to publish this, thanks DA, youre awesome!-

Progression of the Mind

2005-07-19T04:01:00.000-05:00

Discussing the ability to do work throughout the day, my friend Junaid came upon a very interesting conclusion...

Junaid: ..I think the mind has progression
Me: how so?
Junaid: well, in the morning, your ability to formulate ideas is at its peak, because the mind is fresh. Think of it like working out, that first set on the bench press is always easiest, but as you add more and more weight, it puts more pressure on your muscles, therefore requiring more energy. Similarly, morning is like that first set. Now as the day goes on, the fatigue will settle in making it increasingly difficult to concentrate on topics not of the greatest interest thus making formulation difficult. However, if there is something of interest... the ability is pretty much invariable..

-that, my friends, is definately a beautiful mind-

The Poem of the Cloak

2005-07-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

"Aamin tazak kurin ji ranim bidhi salami
mazaj ta3dam 3n jaraa mim muqlatim bidami"

It is because of the rememberance of the neighbors of Dhi-Salam
that tears mixed with blood are flowing (from your eyes)

and thus begins the widely acclaimed and notorious Qasidah Burdah, Poem of the Cloak, written by Imam Salih Sharafuddin Abu Abdullah Muhammad bin Hasan Al Busairi (RA). The Qasidah Burdah, hereby referred to as QB, is well known for its poetic appeal, the tunes it is sung in, and blessings and benefits it possesses, yet very few people are aware of its background significance and historical orientation. So as promised to a friend, I will go ahead and with the best of my abilty, depict the story of the QB.

Shaykh Busairi (RA) was a poet and had written numerous poems, but unfortunately an illness had fallen upon him and thus caused him to become paralyzed. Doctors had given up hope on his recovery. Eventually, in a state of anguish and helplessness, he composed this poem, the Poem of the Cloak praising the distinction and transcendence of the Prophet (S) in which he simultaneously, directly and indirectly, asked Allah (SWT) to cure him of his illness. After completion of the QB, he sat one Thursday evening and with adherence, veracity, and concentration, he began reciting the QB. As he was reciting the QB, fatigue overcame him and he fell asleep. He dreamt that he was reciting the poem in the presence of the blessed Prophet Muhammad (S) and a circle of pious shuyukh and companions. He came to a certain verse in which after recitation, the Prophet (S) blew on his hands and passed them over Shaykh Busairi (RA)'s body and placed his shawl/cloak on his paralyzed limbs, thereby fully curing him of the illness:

'Kem abra'at wa seebam mil lamsi raahatuhu
wa atlaqat arabem mir ribqatil lamami'

How often has his hands granted freedom (cure) from disease by (his) touch
and set free the insane from the chains (fetters) of insanity
(Chapter 5)

When Shaykh Busairi (RA) awoke from his dream, he was fully cured and the shawl or cloak that the Prophet (S) was wearing, still upon him. That morning Shaykh Busairi (RA) was attending to some business at the bazaar, when another reputable Shaykh approached him and greeted him. He requested Shaykh Busairi (RA) to recite the peom he had written in praise of the Prophet (S). Shaykh Busairi (RA) replied telling him that he had composed many poems in love of the Prophet (S), specifically which was he looking for. The Shaykh replied, the one that begins with "Aamin tazak kurin" (QB). Upon hearing this, Shaykh Busairi (RA) was awestruck and he said, "I take an oath that no one knows about this poem. Tell me the truth, from whom did you hear about it" to which the other Shaykh replied, "I take an oath by Allah (SWT) that I heard it from you last night when in a dream you had recited it to Prophet Muhammad (S), whereupon Prophet Muhammad (S) became attentive towards you and because of its blessings Allah (SWT) granted you complete cure from your ailment."

-That, my friends, is the story behind the Qasidah Burdah. Many people love hearing the QB and would also like to recite it, but due to some difficulty and circumstances that are out of their control, they are unable to do so. But fear not, I have the liberty in announcing that approximately two years ago, my father started a project to simplify reciting and understanding the QB, in which he typed it in Arabic, and directly beneath that, is the English transliteration as well as the Urdu and English translations. He completed this task about a year and a half ago, and I am currently working on converting the format of the file into a pdf so that it is easily accessible to the general public. In this way, my father and I may both recieve Sadaqah Jaariyah. In the mean time, if anyone would like this version in booklet form, feel free to contact me and give me your mailing address and Inshallah I will have that sent out to you as soon as possible. May Allah (SWT) bless us with the ablilty to recite the QB and understand it fully. May he allow us to recieve the numerous benefits from reciting the poem. May he allow us to gain and retain love of the Prophet (S) and give us all the blessed opportunity to be able to see him in OUR dreams as well. Aameen-

White Boy

2005-07-17T13:20:00.000-05:00

Ah, the memories..

Me: and i texted owais and he was like TAKE PICTURES BRO! how obvious..
Junaid: hahaha as obvious as the cafe souk with whiteboys camera
Me: hahahahah
Junaid: take a left, but its a one way ...one way left...

-I had to, i just had to-

Ring Ring

2005-07-14T09:12:00.000-05:00

Early in the morning after an over-the-phone meeting with my CEO..

..yawn..

Me: hello?
Owais: err, Faseeeeeeeh.. (very long silence) ..dude, what's wrong?
Me: um..nothing..
Owais: its 7 AM.. what're you doing ..AWAKE..?

-What has become of me?-

Martyrdom..

2005-07-12T02:48:00.000-05:00

It has been reported by Sa'id bin Zaid bin Amr bin Nufail (RA), one of the ten Companions who was given the glad tiding of entering Jannah reported: "I heard the Messenger of Allah (S) saying: He who dies while defending his property is a martyr; he who dies in defense of his own life is a martyr; and he who dies on defense of his faith is a martyr, he who dies in defense of his family is a martyr." [Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi]

I love this hadith, i have ever since i read it so long ago. I dont know if its natural for many Muslim boys at the age of 14, during this era, to readily give up everything they have, including their life, family, education, posessions, etc to go fight willingly for the cause of Allah and Islam, but i was more than ready. I know growing up, i would adherently read numerous stories of the blessed companions (RA) of the Propeht Muhammed (S), and i would sense a great feeling of not only a positive envy of their ability to sit amidst the company of the Prophet Muhammed (S) but to also gather such imperative and salubrious information, that would continue to bless generations to come, and incorporate that information into their lives. They were able to set examples for others, while admirably and respectively awe the Muslims that compose Ummah of the Prophet Muhammed (S). One such category of Muslims were the martyrs. I always found them to be amongst the luckiest of the Muslims because not only were they able sit in the company of the Prophet Muhammed (S), but pass away in such an honorable and temperate fashion. Beyond all of that, have the Prophet Muhammed (S) perform their Salatul Janazah. What a blessing it would be to have been able to see his blessed face as morale and knowing that either outcome of surviving or passing would be of equal value. Children the age of 13 would try to sneak into the army of the Prophet (S). Children of the age 13 of our current time try to sneak into movie theatres. Look at the comparison. Those children were willing to forfeit their lives at such an innocent age when they had such high and blessed futures awaiting them. Not only that, but the feeling of such displeasure when caught and sent home, that was something else. I cannot begin to explain their level of Iman and willingness to relinquish everything for the sake of Allah (SWT).

When i read this hadith i was amazed at the mercy of Allah (SWT), subhanallah its amazing how easy he's made dying the death of a shaheed to be. According to other ahadith, there are other ways to die a martyrs death, including rare diseases and such. But simply fighting for your life or protecting your family or property, thats beautiful. Its beautiful for so many reasons, besides the fact that its Allah's word through the Prophet (S). Allah has given us our bodies and everything its composed of as a blessing and gift. The eyes we see with, the nose we smell with, the ears we hear with, the heart that pumps our blood, the brain that allows us to think and make decisions, the lungs that allow us to breathe, subhanallah these are all just a miniscule amount of the blessings and priveleges that Allah (SWT) has given us. Take the blind for example. They do not have the ability to see, imagine what vision is like, being able to see people, nature, words, and most importantly, the Quran. We take it all for granted. Imagine each hasanah we get for reciting one letter, being able to see that letter itself is a blessing. I should take a look at myself first before anyone, but we dont realize what we have is something we have as a gift. If we were to lose our sight or hearing, i bet a good number of us would whine and complain about why OUR sight or hearing was to go. We dont realize that Allah has blessed us with such things and he is in total control to take it right back from us because they belong to him. WE are HIS property. Period. No argument thereafter.

-Martyrdom has always been a dream of mine, and remains one to this day. May Allah bless all of us with such blessed and respectable ways of passing away, and may he give us the hidayah to appreciate what we have and be thankful of it. May he grant us all of our duas that we have asked for which he finds appropriate and allow us to continue to thank him for all he has already provided for and will provide for us in the duas and blessings to come. Aameen-

But Even After Death

2005-07-12T01:57:00.000-05:00

You cant resist but to admire poetry that has that immediate effect on you, in this case..

"Zindagi Mai Tho Sabhi Pyaar Kiya Karthay Hai... Mai Tho Markay Bhi, Meri Jaan, Tujhe Chahoonga"

"During life, everyone loves, but even after death, i will love you"
-Mehdi Hassan

-sounds better in urdu, but thats hot, mad propz to the poet who intro'd this to me-

Verse 4

2005-07-09T02:24:00.000-05:00

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Merciful

Iyyaka Na'Budu wa Iyyaka Nasta'een
You alone do we worship and You alone do we call on for help.
..Allah Almighty has spoken the truth..
The Holy Quran
Chapter 1
Verse 4

I, for one, dont hold any sort of knowledge or respective title when it comes to answering questions or explaining the Quran, Ahadith, Sunnah, and Islam as well as its aspects, but what i do know is that it doesnt take much for any Muslim to realize the power and greatness embedded in these 5 words which compose the fourth verse of the first chapter of the Holy Quran. Subhanallah. Now, if you take a look at this ayah, you can easily see that its broken down into two parts, which come back and sew the verse back up. The first part, "You alone do we worship", itself is a confirmation of our belief of Tawheed (oneness of Allah). It is an articulation which justifies the first part of the pillar of Islam, Shahadah, -Ash Hadu an Lailaha illAllah.. I bear witness that there is not God but Allah-. The second part, "and You alone do we ask for help", is an explication which depicts not only his power over everything, but his level of authority as well. He controls power over all and is capable of providing us with anything to fulfill our utmost desires, only we're forcefully blind into assuming that our status and money are solutions to our problems. Theres a hadith, which im going to have to paraphrase because i dont remember the correct translation, but its a popular hadith which goes something like, "If you take one step towards Allah, he will take two towards you. If you come to him walking, he will come to you running". Its soo simple yet we seem to lag, and the distractions by shaytaan are so pleasing and getting more and more controlling, that we tend to forget that our saviour, lord, and provider, among many others, is so easily accessible, only a dua away. Now when you have the two halves and you put them together, it comes together with such intensity that explains so much. You alone do we worship and therefore, it is you alone that we ask for help.. how much does that say to you?

-May Allah enlighten us with the knowledge to understand the Quran and its benefits and secrets. May he present us with the ability to explain our knowledge to others so that we may also recieve everlasting blessings for our love for Islam, Allah and his blessed prophet Muhammed (S). May he also give us the intelligence to rightfully respect the Quran, his word, and bounty for us-

Waiting for Tonight

2005-07-08T03:31:00.000-05:00

One the way home from a wedding, my cousin Zubair, my brother, and I were discussing how we expect our wedding nights will be.. no sharam.. haha actually, my brother wasnt saying anything, he just sat in the back laughing and reciting astaghfar. hehe. Being the wonderful brothers that we are, we decided to tease him further.. so we began asking him a bunch of questions about how HIS wedding night would be.. a hilarious conversation, blinded by tears of laughter as i drove..

Zubair: hmm, tho... shakeeb, how about u? wutre u gonna do on UR wedding night?
Bro: err. i dunno, i havent put in much thought to it yet..

-aww. how maasum-

Me: dude, get married soon so we can go all out..
Zubair: haha, bhote sathaayingay on shakeebs shaadi
Me: yeah haha
Zubair: so wutre u gonna do shakeeb?
Bro: i dunno man haha
Me: ill tell u what hes gonna do, first hes gonna read 4 rakah nafl for thanks.. then 4 rakahs of nafl for mercy, then by the time hes done with those, its gonna be time for tahajjud, then fajr.. then when people see him the next day, hes gonna have bags under his eyes and everyones gonna assume he got busyyyy
Bro: haha astaghfirullah
Zubair: hahaha his wife is gonna get pissed.. shes gonna come out there in frustration yelling, "you gonna do me or what?!" then u hear j. lo in the background.. "waiting for tonighttttttttt... wo-oooahhh"

-one of those, u had to be there to know, kinda moments hahaha-

Masajid

2005-07-06T03:27:00.000-05:00

-An old friend, Zee. and I were discussing some of the sad appearances of the masajid in the Chicagoland area, one restaurant in particular on Devon Ave in Chicago has the appearance of a beautiful masjid with a shiny red dome. The following is a very profound statement which sort of depicts the status of the masajid.. keen observation if i must say so myself-

Zee: its sad how so many restaurants in chicago look like masajid and the the masajid look like restaurants..

-Well said my friend, well said-

120/70

2005-07-03T04:19:00.000-05:00

-At a family gathering, a few uncles began discussing each others' average blood sugar levels. One uncle, (Uncle 2) whose relation to mine is through marriage was boasting about how his level is ALWAYS under control. Knowing his character, i dont think anyone was believing him, only watching his face as he spoke. After his usual talks throughout the night of boasting about his newly started business and a bit of degrading his children, most uncles were a bit tired of him talking. I was serving the tea at the time of the discussion, seeing how i rarely do this, i had no idea how much splenda was to go in each of the diabetic uncles' cups-

Uncle 1: whats in the smaller container?
Me: splenda
Uncle 1: oh for the diabetics
Me: mhm

-i began pouring the tea into cups aware that two of the uncles were diabetic. I accidentally put one whole spoonful of splenda in one of the cups, when i was to only put half-

Uncle 1: so whats the normal reading of your blood sugar level?

-Uncle 3 was sitting, watching me very nonchalant, not saying a word. after mixing the splenda..-

Uncle 3 (whispering): the diabetics are only supposed to take half a spoon of sugar.

-oh snap.. i quickly tried to hide the cup, but Uncle 3 looked at me, smiled, and very quietly gestured for me to just give it to Uncle 2-

Uncle 2 (taking a sip of the tea): mine!? my blood sugar machine has never seen a reading anywhere above 120/70!

-Uh oh. not tonight.-

My Camel

2005-07-02T20:50:00.000-05:00

-Conversing with a friend, he began explaining to me how his computer was much like a camel-

Me: so wuts been up lately?
Rafay: not much man. my computer blew up the other day
Me: wait what? your computer blew up?
Rafay: yeah like smoke and stuff
Me: how?! haha you're supposed to be like "the napster" from the Italian Job
Rafay: i push my computer way too hard, beyond its limits.. i tweak it and then i push it, but it comes to a certain point where it wont move.. you can relate it to a camel. a stubborn camel in the desert that refuses to move. I push and push, yet it does nothing. so then i kick it.
Me: ..sigh.. then it spits at you.
Rafay: yup. now i need a new motherboard and cpu.

-Oh Rafay..-

Bald Hijabis

2005-06-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

-Two friends of mine, Zeeshan and Zaki, were discussing an issue that is of high concern to many men who are on the verge of marriage. This issue is not only a fear but a topic discussed with others in order to find the true, satisfactory answer of the very controversial question, "What if you marry a bald hijabi?" Apparently, many brothers seeking to get married to a hijabi are very apprehensive when it comes to selecting one. The two of them became very intrigued by the situation the brothers have to face, and being the kind-hearted, pragmatic type, they conjured a few "techniques", as they like to call it, on how to avoid the worst-

Zee: can you imagine taking off that red dupatta thing on your wedding night only to find that your hijab wearing wife is bald?!

Zaki and I (in unison): uuughhhhhh hahaha

Me: how random, werent we like just discussing the whole graduation thing?
Zaki: yeah.. hmm.. thats Zee for u.. anyway, now that were on this topic -
Me: well then, bald hijabis it is.
Zaki: i think many brothers worry about marrying a bald hijabi
Zee: only cuz you can't see their hair before marriage, therefore, you'll never be satisfied.

-I was seated, leaning back on my chair with my feet up, smirking and watching in utter disbelief that this was a troubling matter to them. I didnt want to give much input, i already knew this was going to be a VERY interesting conversation between the two of them. They seem like this has been bothering them for a long time now and it would be just arbitrary to stop them at this point hehe-

Zaki: so how can we be SURE that the sister has hair? i mean, like BEFORE marriage?
Zee: yeah hmm

-both went into deep concentration and thought as they pondered such a mystery-

Me: well you COULD do one of two things..

-they looked at me, waiting for me to continue-

Me: you could look for a bun at the back of her scarf..

Zee (skeptical, as though it wasnt even something to consider): ..tennis ball wrapped in tissue paper..

Zaki: true. next?
Me: woww. well, hmm, how about.. JUST ASKING HER?
Zaki: she could lie about it.
Zee: yup. then ud be stuck with not only a bald hijabi, but a LYING bald hijabi

-were these guys SERIOUS?-

Me: u guys are realllly something you know that?
Zee(in disgust): thanks for nothing.
Me: haha you're welcome. k then, wise guys, what've you guys come up with?

Zee: ok ok, i think we should like make a list.. "Techniques to figure out if the hijbai is bald"

Me: haha idiot, it seems as though you WANT to find bald hijabis.. eww. why cant u make the list, "Ways to know shes not"?

Zee: cuz it easier to figure out.. duh.
Zaki: very true.. ok so whatve you got?
Zee: ok. Technique Numbero Uno.. someone writing this down?
Me: haha ill do it..

-This is going to be hilarious-

Zee: 1. "She refuses to take off her hijab and show your mother she has hair when your parents go to ask her parents for a rishta."

Zaki: haha yeah man, thats good.. real good. ok ok, i got one, i got one: Number 2. "When she is playing basketball, she sticks her tongue out like mike".. hes bald.. get it?

Me: hahaha.. what?.. please, continue..

-un-FREAKIN-believeable-

Zee: goooood job. Number 3: "When all of a sudden paper napkins fall out of her hijab and she pretends to ignore like its nothing."

Me: .. what?!

Zaki: u know paper napkins under the hijab to make it seem like theres something there, that way the sweat doesnt get to the scarf.. use your head man.. sheesh.

-speechless, yet i continue to write-

Zaki: Number 4: "When she has more bottles of Rogaine than Thayl (hair oil) in the cabinet behind the bathroom mirror"

Zee: yessss... im gonna start looking for that.. Number 5: "She idolizes such models as Mr. Clean and Vin Diesel."

Zaki: hahaha.. vin diesel..

Zee: and finally, Number 6: "Whenever you're sad, she keeps telling u to rub her head for good luck."

Me: ok its official. i dont know you guys.

-HAHAHA. whaaaatttt theeeee diiiiiizzzzllllleeeee??-

People Change

2004-12-18T02:28:00.000-06:00

-According to folklore, the coyote is the wisest and most clever animal to have ever existed. Its attributes relate to those of an old friend of mine, in fact one of my eldest friends. Insight, discussions, dissolutions, and analysis by my best friend Junaid have always been of high value to me, ever since kindergarten. When in need of assistance, enlightenment, advice, or just a cheerful face, none better to go to than Junaid, thats how its been, and Inshallah continue to be for decades to come. His inspiration and profoundness is of such capacity that it wouldn't leave space for recognition of others and events on this page. Recently, i was full of distress and perturbation, deep in conversation with Junaid about an issue that had been exasperating me for quite some time. He immediately realized it and asked me to confide in him. His one sentenced response easily made up for the entire length of confusion and disturbance i was experiencing-

Me: so, after hearing all of that, what do you make of all of this?
Junaid: simple, people change.. you can help it along or let time and nature run its course..

-This may not make sense to any of you, but i guarantee my satisfaction upon hearing this was enough to suffice 8 days of confloption..i will never forget this quote, for it helped that evening and i promise it will continue to be of encouragement, inspiration and relief during years to come..-

True Friend

2004-12-06T03:09:00.000-06:00

Friend (fur-end)
noun.

Webster describes it as... who the hell cares? Webster never had any friends, how can one define a friend? To many people, its defined and classified with various characteristics. It's not something you can put in words. His definition is words like: chum and pal. Those are more like synonyms for friend. You cant define it unless you have true friends...

Allow me explain what a true friend is:

A true friend is one who is willing to put u first, one whose happiness and joy comes from the aura of being w/his friend, from his jokes, success, and happiness. A friend never feels envy of another for a true friend is like a brother/sister. During the time of sadness, depression, difficulties, and challenges, a true friend divides the pain to ease his friend of the situation. A true friend will offer money, if and when in need, without ever takin or askin for repayment, and acceptance only because of seeing the satisfaction of relevance on his friend's face. A true friend comes at the call of need. He feels the pain and joy of another friend without the friend sayin a word. Thats a true friend in a nutshell.

-Everyone has a different definition of friend and friendship.. if someone you know falls under those qualifications, i suggest you hang on to that person dearly.. its not everyday u find someone of that prestige-

If Only You Knew..

2004-11-22T03:26:00.000-06:00

This? this is just self explanatory..

Her: so tell me, what is it about me that you like?

-Where do i begin?-

Wierd Relations

2004-11-20T15:49:00.000-06:00

-Once again, I got dragged along to drive my parents to one of those weddings where I have no idea who the bride OR the groom are. My parents's old family friends from the late 60s. Above all that, I dont know anyone at the wedding either, thus making the wedding even more entertaining cuz it gives me a chance to spend some quality time with my parents. how FUN. Whenever this happens, I try to provoke conversation and find out how they know either family. This time, it was REALLY interesting-

Me: siighhhh.. so this is fun..
Dad: mm

-well sohaib. seems like uve done ur share of the talking tonight, now sit back, let the other uncles do the talking, and enjoy the view-

(13.5 minutes later, one uncle walks away.. silence at the table, someone say something..)

Me: soo, um.. how about that biryani?
Dad: hah.. it is just me, or are u sick of eating biryani too?
Me: truthfully, im beginning to hate it.
Dad: yeah, im not too fond of it anymore either.. were eating it way too often

-ok conversation going as usual.. whats the next topic of discussion? ah yes, the wedding ceremony-

Me: this is a nice party, the bride and groom look good for each other
Dad: yeah, mashallah, i hope they have a happy, successful marriage.. u know i married the bride's parents AND the groom's parents?

Me: wait wait wait.. so you performed the nikah at groom's parents wedding? AND the bride's parents'? AND THEIR KIDS?

-holy moly-

Dad: yeah haha.. they came to me and said it was only right if i performed their childrens' marriage too..
Me: wow.. so that makes you sorta old..
Dad: hmph.. if you think I'M old.. ur mom's been claiming shes 25 every year for the past 20 some years!
Me: haha
Mom: hey hey hey..

-Well, dessert will be served in a few minutes, then.. freedom! Finally, the last topic of discussion before we call it a night-

Me: so.. how do you guys know these people?
Dad: well..

-Ponders for a moment-

Dad: the groom's family.. they're actually, you know Khan Uncle right?
Me: yeah
Dad: they're Khan Uncle's wife's eldest sister's brother-in-law's cousins' sister's family, and the groom is their son..

-looking at the awed expression on my face-

Dad: let that sink in..
Mom: haha they're also our friends from the 70's
Me: and you couldn't have said THAT?
Dad: well, thats how i met the couple haha
Me: im still confused out of my mind
Dad: here lemme show you.. (to mom) gimme some paper
-draws out an entire game plan with Xs and Ox and who married who and who'se relatives are whose-

Dad: ahh dessert..

-well ill be..top THAT-

Childhood

2004-11-04T04:17:00.000-06:00

Curiously looking through the fog at the silhouette approaching ever so slowly, it was hard to make out who this little figure was. The silence was so thick i could hear my pulse in my ears. Each footstep was followed by a crunch of the fallen autumn leaves. An occasional whinnying of the horse from my carriage would break the rough silence momentarily, til all was quiet again, and all that was auscultated was the crunching of the leaves. As the being got closer, a rush of excitement began to fill inside me, for it felt as though i knew this person. As a matter of fact, i felt as though i knew this person very well, but my mind boggled at who it could be. Yet as much as i tried, it seemed close to impossible that i put a name or a face to this individual who i have not seen yet. Suddenly the figure stopped, and a feeling of nervousness filled my chest as i could not understand why it had halted, and above that, i wanted to see him or her so bad. The fog, as if on cue, began to clear at face level. My lips, dry and pursed, my jaw locked, my eyes squinting, a pounding in my chest made it difficult to hear, and slowly the figure came into focus. It was a child, i had seen him before but i could not figure out where, though i felt like i knew him so well, and it struck me...we had spent numerous years together, laughed many alaugh together, rejoiced, celebrated, mourned, cried, felt boredom, content, frowns, and smiles.. it was my childhood. And just like that, as i stood there smiling at it, reminiscing, it waved and slowly disappeared, leaving me to stand there by myself...

-Childhood and innocence fades so quickly.. one day we're clinging to our parents for safety, the next we're fending for ourselves in a cold, cruel, and dangerous world.. it is only fair to ask God to help us all.. cuz noone else can-

Simplicity

2004-10-18T03:37:00.000-05:00

After Maghrib at the Masjid, a guest speaker was presenting a speech on the benefits of reading Quran. Towards the completion of his lecture, there was one quote that I will never forget..

Speaker: "There are three things that a Muslim can never get tired of in his entire life:

Reading Quran
Drinking Water
Gazing at the Sky

.. a Muslim can never get tired of reading Quran for the Quran enlightens a being spiritually. In other words, its like a spiritual buzz. It gives a feeling of satisfaction, like no other. Second, drinking water. Thats a given. A human cannot survive without water, and even though it has no taste or color, its the most refreshing drink in the world. On top of that, most of our bodies and the world are composed of water. Finally.. looking at the sky. Any time of the day or night, you can look to the sky and find comfort and peace. It's beauty is at loss for words.."

-I stood quietly in the back with a few friends, in awe at how such simplicity could equal such powerful insight into things we never think twice about-

Feminist Bumper Sticker

2004-10-04T01:53:00.000-05:00

My sister (15) is always in competition with me, bless her soul, she's got a good heart, only she doesnt know when to stop.. this ought to shut her up for a while..

Sis: girls can do anything guys can
Me (concentrating deeply, staring at my laptop monitor): hmm. lets not get into specifics, but i disagree to some extent.

Sis: BESIDES THAT. we can do anything u guys can!
Me: vice versa
Sis: tell me ONE thing that men can do that women cant, tell me, huh? huh? lets go..
Me (still concentrating and getting a bit annoyed cuz im trying to work): we can marry upto four wives..

-i knew i had her stumped-

Sis: errrrr... that doesnt ... count. umm.. i dont care what u sa-

-My brother walks in from the other room, cutting her off-

Bro: goddd, will u guys shut up? u guys are always at it.. (looks at sister) u know there should be a bumper sticker for people like you.. it would read, "I can do anything a man can do, and i got the mustache to prove it."

..HAHA. Im gonna be laughing at this for a lonng time.

Wedding Bells?

2004-09-30T04:45:00.000-05:00

Chillin on AIM while my parents entertained guests downstairs..
(names changed to prevent humiliation)

Dad: Sohaaaaiiibbbb
Me: onee seccc!

-gosh what is it NOW?-

Me: Assalamu alaikum
Everyone: wa alaikum salam..

Mom: thashreef laiyyay (have a seat)
Me: whats up? er, i was kinda busy..

-i hate this kinda thing, and why are they all sitting like that?-

Dad: you remember your Kareem Uncle and his family, right?
Me: yeah, um, ever since we were born..

-notice the sarcasm?-

Dad: hmm jee.. and you remember his daughter, Amina, right?
Me: ummmm yeh. *turning towards her* Assalamu alaikum.. (and a short wave)

-UH OH.. my spider senses tingling-

Mom: well, she's studying Education, isnt that REALLY interesting?
Me: uh yeah kinda neat i guess..

-god.. get to the point, i hope this isnt what i think it is-

Mom: ..and remember when you guys used to play together when you guys were kids?
Me: haha oh yeah.. i forgot about all of that..

-sohaib! focus! no time to reminisce!-

Me: (clearing throat) yeah that was a long time ago..
Mom: well um.. (looks at Dad) YOU tell him..
Me: tell me what?

-you dont need to tell me, i already know-

Dad: well, to get to the point.. um..

-looks at me, then at Kareem Uncle who has a big grin on his face, back at me-

Dad: your Kareem Uncle and Aunty came to meet us today and they want to offer their daughters hand in marriage to you..

Me: to ME?

-duh, isnt that what he said? but i needed to stall for some time, how do i say no without hurting Kareem Uncle and Aunty, and on top of that, Amina? had she agreed? why me? why NOW?-

Me: i guess cuz noones saying anything that the answer to that question is yes.. (smacking lips) well..how interesting..

-"sohaib think quick u idiot!" i was feeling an enormous amount of sympathy towards the three of them, but i didnt wanna say yes cuz i felt sympathy..-

Me: how awkward, can someone say something?

-pass the buck sohaib, just pass it-

Me: Mom! you've made a bunch of decisions for me when i was little.. cant go wrong.. what do you think?

Mom: its your call sohaib..

-quit dragging you idiot, just tell them, even mom wont help, this ur decision, u fool!-

Me: ok i wont delay any further..

-this is so hard, why cant they just read my mind and figure it out without me having to put it in words?! sohaib, this is a serious matter, just tell em-

Me (with all seriousness, eyes on my toes, "i need to cut my nails.."): Kareem Uncle, Aunty, Amina.. Mom, Dad.. i thank you for coming out and considering me, and this is very hard for me to say, but no doubt, im
gonna have to say it.. i..er..i decline your offer. i'm sorry..

-whew, just say Wassalam and walk out sohaib, u did ok..-

Me: Wassalam..

-suddenly, i hear a whimper..oh sh*t-

Aunty: no no, beti, tsk tsk tsk.. dont, not now..its okaaayyy..

i dont think i have to say what happened next.. luckily my keys were in my pocket..
-speechless-

I'M SORRY. I REALLY AM. YOU'D BE MAKING A MISTAKE ANYWAY.

Love at First Sight?

2004-09-21T05:41:00.000-05:00

Sitting parked in my car overlooking the starry sky, conversing with a childhood friend (C.F.) about love and its cabilistic attributes, the topic led further and further into the point of first contact..

CF: can i ask you something?
Me: sure, wuts up?
CF: do you believe in love at first sight?
Me: haha who's the unfortunate girl?

-brief pause as we both lit up-

CF: (passing me the lighter) heh. no, its the philosophe that i question..
Me: in that case, no i dont believe in love at first sight. i think love is an eventual sensation, nothing that can be experienced in a matter of moments.. i think it takes much out of a person to love another because the definition of love is a powerful thing, one that cannot be put into words, no matter how hard anyone tries.. and lemme tell u something, i dont like this Webster fellow.. i think he finds himself to be a real wiseguy, trying to define love and friend and happiness..

CF: haha true true.. but i dont think i believe in love either.. like i dunno how to explain it. its wierd. i love my mom, but i dont believe in love.. u know what i mean? i dont believe in this romantic crap.

Me: hmm yeah i think i understand the concept only i dont understand why u dont believe in love

CF: well..ok for one thing, i dont think that theres someone out there, a soulmate.. someone that completes you. i think you can find that in anyone, ok not ANYONE, but it doesnt really have to be like that.

Me: yeah, just as i was saying.. love isnt waiting to happen, u have to reach that certain point, where its beyond the lust..

CF: yeah yeah.. love is overrated. i think you can truly get married through an arranged marriage and fall in love with that person..

Me: yeah i think thats how my parents did it.
CF: mine too, ok i think i believe in love, only im a skeptic
Me: haha, no i think ur just either really confused or disturbed..

CF: haha no no, ok so i think i believe in it, but i dont think it happens all fairy tale like, u know?

Me: yeah, um i think most people dont believe in the fairy tale thing.. they sorta give that up after they turn like 11 or something
CF: shutup man haha, u KNOW what i mean.. the whole Prince Charming thing..

Me: okay there is no such thing as some "soulmate" waiting to find u, like a specific mindset of a person who you know you're waiting for, to finally, one day bump into em as ur walking in the subway and pop in a stick of Dentyn ice and write your number on the window of the train

CF: ok that guy is an IDIOT.. 555-3874, all the other guys wrote it down, at least the guy could have memorized it.. stupid foreigners..

Me: HAHA thats NOT the point.. love is when you know someone soo deeply, without them telling you, love is a sensation in which the safety and happiness of your significant other comes before yours.. love is when you havent told someone, but u already mean it..
CF: yep..

..silence as we quietly light up again..

CF: i dont quite believe the saying, "Its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".. im sure its GOTTA hurt to have lost..

Me: cuz when u lose love, ur so depressed, ur like why the HELL did i let it go? and then u regret it for the rest of your life.. so would u rather live knowing u lost love or live knowing that one day u might find true love? and the longer you wait, the better it'll come?

CF: wow..yeah..um..yeah..hmm..im gonna go with option #2..losing someone u love sounds really hard..

Me: lets just say, trying to forget someone u love, is like trying to remember
someone uve never met..

CF: holy sh*t, its that hard isnt it..
Me: yup, not that i would know just yet..
CF: mmm

it took me this entire conversation to understand what he believed.. and what i did as well..